I am laughing so hard, but also I’m so sorry.

If you don’t win I will be shocked. This is... epically bad.

That delights me :)

Perfection. I bow to you!

Yeah I was always annoyed at how much damn juice I got on WIC when I would have been thrilled to ditch all the juice for some meat or diapers.

That sounds like a birthday party purchase. When my daughter was little and I was on welfare I saved up a little on the EBT card every month (by skipping meals myself) so I could spend that $40 on her birthday party food. Because even us poors want to give our kids a small but appreciated birthday. Now that I’m rich…

I get my son’s leggings from the girls’ section. He’s 4 and has autism. He cannot cope with the feel of jeans and I don’t blame him. Today he has navy leggings, a purple tank top, and Darth Vader Vans. He looks rad.

I love Replica's Jazz cologne. I hate sweet and flowery smells. This one smells like tobacco and vanilla.

If you tell them harder, more often, while holding more money, all the boners wilt and all the ladies dutifully keep those aspirin between their knees. We know this to be true because these old white men say so. They always make such good decisions.

Come to the SF bay area my friend. Ocean, bay, redwoods, 3 hours to Yosemite, LGBT friendly, 68 degrees most of the year if you’re south of San Bruno. East Bay has Oakland and great hiking.

I’m embarrassed to be excited about this, but I love that it has tight controls so I can have a kid picture black hole for my mother in law and brother/sister in law to share, but I don’t have to have them all over my page for everyone else. Plus, my daughter is 8 and getting hella moody and I know she wouldn’t want…

I didn't! Thanks!

I HAD THAT TUB. So many memories!

Gap is awesome. I love that they have some high waist options now, too.

Let's talk about the CrossFit themed wedding.

I just want to talk about how great her haircut is.

Damn, right when my 2nd grader has graduated to Nancy Drew! She used to be a real fan of Fancy Nancy.

Aw, no you're not! My periods are always clockwork and they've actually lightened up a bit in the last few years. I still leak all the damn time, mostly at night. I also never pay attention to when my period is coming and then WHOOPS it's here and I'm at the store and I need to leave right that minute. It's annoying,…

GUYS. This article was posted by my brother's longtime friend from middle school yesterday. I had always liked this kid (I guess he's like almost 30 now, but that makes me feel old, so) but I lost touch with everyone when my family disowned me for dating an atheist and speaking up about my dad's ongoing abuse.

I wrote it in a composition notebook, so it's ON.