Good, because I got a hot date tonight.
[buzz]
A date.
[buzz]
Dinner with friends.
[buzz]
Dinner alone.
[buzz]
Watching TV alone.
[buzz]
All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.
[buzz]
Sears catalog.
[ding]
Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve…

Where's Son of Neckbeard?

Seriously, a whole episode? That's 16.6% of the entire season. Can't I just be disappointed with it all right now?

I can't get the Bocephus juices flowin' without sayin'

♫ The AMBIGUOUSLY GAY DUO!! ♫

A Solar Lunar Eclipse. The cosmic ballet goes on.

Modest Mouse is annoying, always trying to subtly impress. But Cocky Mouse - that big brown mouse that walks around in the Gold's Gym tank top, is a legitimate asshole.

She'd never make it.

Where can I get a Black Jesus figurine? I want to upset my in-laws.

McBaby. Now served after 11 am.

You want that 401(k), don't you Zed?

His wife is in a coma.

The ratings were so strong they lifted a 1987 Buick Skylark over their head.

Should have used the "Snowblower" defense.

Dammit, the ticket I just booked to London is non-refundable.

Song Dads is filmed from the inside of a Dodge Caravan. Teams are made up of a father (who loves to sing) and a kid (who is incredibly embarrassed to be on the show). Points are awarded as the father drives the child to school singing his favorite rock tunes from the 70's & 80's.

See ya!

Big Papi.

An agreement has been reached with Banksy on a potential "Dikland" installation in that old Costco that closed down.

Two Kirkland shout outs in one day. How much are you being paid? It doesn't matter. I want in.