Sometimes, late at night, you can still hear the faint ghostly shrieks of "Those pork chops aren't ringing up? That must mean they're frreeeeEEEEeeeee..."

I'm eight weeks post blindside-break up and every time my ex tells me he misses me and wants to be friends, my eyes roll SO HARD. He wants a backup girl. He doesn't want to date me, but he wants to know I'm on retainer. Please. I do not have time for that. I stopped taking to him the moment he moved his stuff out of…

lol the sad thing is, she still looks prettier than I do most days at work.

Agreed 1000% I already share pictures of my cat with everyone I know and force them to coo over her before resuming normal conversations.

My mom's cats do the same thing as TSwift's. They snuggle together and the older one likes to lick the younger one, who will only tolerate the cleaning sessions when she is sleepy. It is the cutest thing in the world. I want to be best friends with Taylor Swift so we can get froyo and show each other pics and videos…

Reminds me of my second grade birthday party. I invited a bunch of kids and only one showed up. Very small outing to Showbiz Pizza.

Who the fuck hates on Bruno Mars? Dude is like a little dancing ray of sunshine. I want to keep him in my pocket for days when I'm sad. I can open it and he'll be in there all dancing and smiling and singing like yea yea YEA!

I loved him as much as any young lady who watched Titanic and Romeo + Juliet way too much at an impressionable age but dude is always coated with a thin sheen of like, grease and sweat while sporting a creepy smirk these days and it does NOT do it for me. I just wanna hand him a big glass of water and tell him to go…

I remember in elementary school being OBSESSED with this other girl's thick, long dark hair. It was just sooo shiny and smooth, like a real life pony's tail. Whereas mine was fine, short and wonky. Unfortunately there was a line of girls (of all colors) waiting to braid and fiddle with that blessed girl's hair so I…

I agree. I work at a Catholic school even though I'm not Catholic myself, and I find this very mean-spirited. Does Christianity disproportionately and often negatively influence American culture? Yes. No one here disputes that. But this stunt reinforces an "us" v. "them" mentality in a really unhealthy way.

Ice cream party in Catalina?

Thank the Lorde!

That type of bottomless brunch is served in my kitchen every Sunday morning! It is currently only attended by my cats and me, but we are hoping it'll catch on.

I wanna snatch them off their little baby heads. Babies in bowler hats. Now that is a trend I wanna see.

I'm pretty much a 2-year-old adult* and I live in a lot of the stuff North wears. Leather leggings are comfy af, y'all!

Is bottomless brunch the brunch you go to with no pants? Is that a thing? Can it be a thing?

I'm so over people being judgy about what babies wear. If it's my baby and I wipe its ass* I'll put it in anything I goddamn well please until it can tell me not to.

Always trust a man who matches his shirts with his upholstery. A man with that kind of commitment to a color scheme will never steer you wrong.

"You know Tina, the Devil takes your soul every time you orgasm? That is why your mother is still a pure woman today!" (I'm just guessing based on the image, I have to wait until I am done with work to be sure.)

This reminds me of the time I saw Lord of the Rings and then I started summoning giant walls of water to expel ring wraiths from Rivendell.