Fighting_Polish, on Hollywood's biggest night, WHO ARE YOU WEARING

ugh! My MIL does this. After my husband said something other for the millionth time, the next letter used my last name but butchered the spelling. Granted, my last name isn't the easiest, but it's easier than my husband's, which has only one vowel in it, and I've been around for 13 years and how could she not know how…

Thank you, Kara, for Shade Court.

A woman I used to work with would tell me that her toddler daughter was sexy. I was like, "uh, no. I've seen her, she is cute as a button, but if you think sexy is EVER the proper way to describe a) your daughter and b) ANY CHILD, we need to never speak again."

GROSSSSSS. I hate when parents call their son a "Ladies man" and shit like that. He is not a ladies man, he is a fucking baby and stop trying to make people think of your baby romantically you fucking weirdos. Or even worse when people say their baby is "flirting with you." Ummm no he's not, he probably just has to…

"...this time she closed the card with: 'From the woman who loved you first.'"

There was this guy today at the cafe, where we were the only two people in the room, and he kept on staring at me, while I was eating, doing homework, and using the phone. And as I was using Tinder, I saw his profile, it was quite racially charged and full of fetishization (think confederate flags, Yellow Fever,…

If absolutely no guy ever thinks you like him, what that really means is you're ugly, yes? (Because he doesn't like you, and thus isn't jonesing to either lay you or win your hand.)

I am seriously the opposite of this—I'm dense as shit; never know when someone is flirting with me; never think anyone likes me. More often than not, a female friend has to tell me, "yo, I think she likes you" or something like that. I'm convinced that making lots of female friends was an evolutionary adaption I…

Does Involuntarily Abstinent count as an orientation?

What'd she order, Fish Filet?

This is true. People didn't notice I was pregnant until 22 weeks. I had a bump before then, but. . . it looked like a burrito belly. And I am known to have those.

Beyonce superfans are the absolute fucking worst and please, I beg of you, come the fuck after me.

Gomez goes on to tell interviewer James Franco

lanky dudes always bust out the undercover big dick.

I was pretty much the last person to hit psychological puberty, so the boy band years were spent with everyone telling me NSYNC and BSB members were hot and me, confusedly, agreeing so I could be "cool". All I saw was a bunch of weird old kids in shiny sweatsuits.

My period is like when the elevators open in The Shining. You can't put the mattress in the washer.

So, my feces and urine aren't supposed to be bloody? I... I need to go.

Dick pic?