“When the space aliens send their little green men over, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending Spock. They’re not sending Yoda. They’re sending space aliens that have a lot of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing abductions. They’re bringing anal probes. They’re…

I’m always grossed out when I hand over the sample... because it’s so warm. They feel that. It’s like picking up my dog’s poop with a bag... so warm. So fresh. So awkward.

That I was lactating because of a brain growth and that I was not, in fact, pregnant at 15. I know lactation isn’t actually gross but it is when you’re a 15 year old virgin.

“His children are incredibly able and devoted, and I think that says a lot about Donald.”

The most serious issue of this election is not Donald Trump. It’s people who support Donald Trump.

Context made me read his name as “Officer Febreeze”.  

I made nothing but “Hamilton” references during a board meeting. For two hours, I was only allowed to speak lines from Hamilton.

In this case it would be a changeling.

sometimes my cat looks weird

Oh my God, I just have to share this, folks!

Always now, the first thing we hear is the police feared for their lives. These well-armed, presumably well-trained, professionals who, again presumably, chose to go into their profession, are evidently scared out of their minds every second of their shifts.

Oh proofreading. I weep for your death, and you will be missed.

The death drive is littered with “Stop” signs, and bombshell actress Margot Robbie is one of them.

I’ve read that entire section numerous times, and I still have no idea what its supposed to say.

Who edited this post and thought that transition from Robin William’s dementia to “the death drive” sentence was a good idea? How awkward and poorly constructed.

DAMMIT. My dad was just diagnosed with “either Parkinsons’s with dementia or LBD, time will tell”, so I’ve been reading up on them all week. Had never heard of LBD previously. Hate hearing how fast it came on for Williams, while he was still so young. What a waste of a wonderful mind.

This is Joseph Mann (his brother Robert is the one speaking).

Mine isn’t as outlandish as some of the other stories but here it goes:

Anytime someone is talking on the phone when I’m in a restroom, I flush. I think it’s only polite to the person on the other end of the call to let them know.