I just threw up a little bit thinking about ranch dressing on shrimp.

It's really weird to me how so much of mainstream porn seems to require some sort of misogyny. Why isn't it enough to just watch people having sex? People having sex seems like the sort of thing that would be sexy. Sex is fun, let's just watch people having fun by having sex! Why does there have to be so much of the…

Penises are funny looking and sex is unhygienic. Porn is for boys because I have no impure thoughts, I just think about Strawberry Shortcake all day and sort my shoes and purses. Hilarious.

I mean, it isn't the fact that the economy is still hugely unstable if you're not in the highest 1% of the 1%. It isn't that you're worried about your job or you can't afford a wedding. And, I mean, why would they look at women who consume pornography? Everyone knows women absolutely hate sex and think porn is gross.

This is some Flying Spaghetti Monster-level shit here. The fewer pirates there are, the more global temperatures rise.

What???? Ok, in all honesty, they're not the cutest dogs. Although, that can completely depend upon the haircut poodles have. But, I have had many different types of dogs. And in my opinion, standard poodles have the best personality, are the most intelligent, are extremely empathetic, and are great exercise dogs…

I don't think they're cute when they're shaved and primped up. I don't like it when they're brushed out either. I like natural coats. MUCH cuter.

How did you feel when you first saw a standard poodle (nvmd if that's the 1st poodle you saw)? I'd only seen toy poodles as a kid, so when I saw how big a standard poodle is, I almost passed out.

I'm not afraid of chihuahuas, but I hate the way they shake. They're like the Parkinson's of dogs. It makes me nervous, but that's just what they do.

Nobody likes chihuahuas.

I don't like chihuahuas.

I am actually am more afraid of being bitten by one than by any normal breeds.

They're one of the smartest breeds. I've had many poodles and they were/are all very smart!

psycho-producer Phil Spector's 1963 album "A Christmas Gift for You,"

I will pay this much for a teeny giraffe

for 500 a month you get something like this. No pain no pain

I blame Oprah for two of TV's biggest quacks and charlatans: Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz.

Oh dear lawed I nearly died. I swear to god that is my Great Uncle Harry, alive and well and eating Christmas dinner in a pet video!

#hehasrisenfromthedeadinhisawfulsweater

I worked in juvenile corrections for a few years while in college. The creativity I witnessed them apply to get a fix was incredibly sad, yet rather impressive. To this day it makes me think about scenereos like: if Jay could have been born into a different life, would he apply that creative mind used to smoke…

I don't think you understand how much a billion dollars is. Fuck, I can't even comprehend it. He could buy this $70 million mansion, that $100k house you mentioned and even 10 of those $70 million mansions and he would still have around $1.8 billion dollars remaining. Think about that for a second. Once you hit B…

I don't like where this train of thought is headed for my situation... I tend to ignore thinking about money. I automate as much as possible. Don't think about how much I make or have. Rarely check up on it. Only buy things when they're cheap and on sale. What does that imply about my relationships? I'm not even…