Madonna was never raised (or raised herself) to be a serious musician or even a serious entertainer. She didn't sing in the Church. (How can you if you're Catholic?) She didn't have American Idol or the New Mickey Mouse Club to use as a platform. She didn't compete in pageants. Her parents never trained her to be a…

I found out what corn-cobbing is. Let's just say that I've never seen any gay porn that features it. How they managed to sneak that past Standards and Practices at FOX Broadcasting is impressive.

Two thoughts:

Could someone deport Justin Bieber, please?! Dump his ass in the Hudson Bay or Alert, Nunavut, or failing those, Paul Bernardo's prison cell.

Things that I can't get into either because I hate their fucking guts or I'm not hipster enough to write a fucking research paper on their supposed genius: Eminem, Beyoncé, Kanye West, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Bruno Mars, Jay-Z, Black Eyed Peas, prestige dramas like The Sopranos and The Wire and Mad Men…

Fun fact: Before she was crowned Miss World (think Miss Universe without the whore factor) 2000, Priyanka had to answer this final question: "Who is the most important woman alive today?" (or something like that) She answered "Mother Teresa", which would have been fine had Mother Teresa not died three years earlier.…

I hate the recent trend of musicians covering other people's material at the drop of a hat, especially if it's from Obscuristan.

They also did a show back in the day on Nickelodeon called "Kids Court". It only lasted a year, I think.

"I am the French lieutenant's… whore."

Whatever happened to the tampon?

Just watch "Jiz and the Mammograms" on YouTube instead.

Celine Dion gets a lot of shit because of her English language albums. Keep in mind that her first language is French, and she continues to make music for her Quebecois audience and her European French audience. Those types of music show Celine's range as a performer more than her "American" music does. She often does…

What was HER problem?

Mrs. Krabbapel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies, and I saw one of the babies, and the baby looked at me.

A world that has the following: Beyonce, Eminem, Taylor Swift, Justin Timberlake, Katy Perry, Jay-Z, Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Gwyneth Paltrow, the Black Eyed Peas, Jennifer Aniston, Pitbull, boring white guys with guitars who win American Idol/The Voice/X-Factor, Ryan Seacrest, Justin Bieber, Nickelback, Maroon 5,…

I am not trolling. I'm a newcomer to this Disqus thing. I'm typing this on my iPod Touch. I used Facebook on my desktop computer to respond earlier. I'm still figuring this out. And yes, I had cable growing up. Gosh, what the hell is everyone's problem with me? Is AVClub full of hipsters and Arrested Development…

I am not trolling. I'm a newcomer to this Disqus thing. I'm typing this on my iPod Touch. I used Facebook on my desktop computer to respond earlier. I'm still figuring this out. And yes, I had cable growing up. Gosh, what the hell is everyone's problem with me? Is AVClub full of hipsters and Arrested Development…

I'm sorry, but I have never gotten into Arrested Development. I saw a few episodes, and I just did not find it funny. Worse, I hated that people were lauding it as the Second Coming of Jeebus. What am I missing? I like a wide range of comedy, but Arrested Development (along with The Office, 30 Rock, Parks &…

I'm sorry, but I have never gotten into Arrested Development. I saw a few episodes, and I just did not find it funny. Worse, I hated that people were lauding it as the Second Coming of Jeebus. What am I missing? I like a wide range of comedy, but Arrested Development (along with The Office, 30 Rock, Parks &…

I hate Tom fucking Cruise.