You’ll have to wait for sporks to arrive in silver and stainless steel and touted as the missing link first.

i have the same lunch every day too but I keep it low carb: coffee and a cigarette

Fake News!!! Hannity has no dick!

those prayer rugs might have been in Ollie’s office from before, like a thank-you gift from the Ayatollah

Roger Ailes has remained strangely silent on the changes.

Great, now we need a whole new food pyramid, since mine is clearly out of date...

After lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie

If she had rabies her brother would have put her down by now.

The cops probably won’t do anything to the white people, but the might actually start enforcing penalties for non-emergency calling if it gets too prevalent.

They’re annoyed that a product they purchased (America) or a subscription they signed up for (whiteness) isn’t working quite how they envisioned it. Perhaps there’s spyware (black people) that’s bothering them or an error message (black people doing something) they can’t get rid of. So they call customer service…

They’re annoyed that a product they purchased (America) or a subscription they signed up for (whiteness) isn’t working quite how they envisioned it — perhaps there’s spyware (black people) that’s bothering them or an error message (black people doing something) they can’t get rid of. So they call customer…

I like that your reply is very instep with mine.

Meanwhile, Abe did very much appreciate the drink that came with the meal: a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man’s hat.

This is the first time in my life that footwear-related jokes about my last name have ever actually been on point (or even en pointe), and for that, I thank you all.

It was tongue in cheek.

I’ve heard of sole food, but this is ridiculous.