The fact that he then shared it is pretty impressive, though.

I’m aware of the procedure and don’t care.

He filmed and tweeted this himself, right? Teens are the worst. Never tweet, never teen.

It’s just a cat.

Today I am dismissing my lawsuit against Whole Foods Market. The company did nothing wrong. I was wrong to pursue this matter and use the media to perpetuate this story. I want to apologize to Whole Foods and its team members for questioning the company’s commitment to its values, and especially the bakery associate…

Nothing makes me move faster than that sound. I can come out of a dead sleep and be sprinting in about half a second.

“No, flies are fine. I can deal with a fly in the house. They’re annoying but at least they don’t bite or sting. The other day I crushed one barehanded and felt like a beast. BEHOLD MY SAVAGERY.

Yeah, and you bet on them. I’ll cheer louder for mites on ice with five bucks on the line than I will for an NHL game.

The sole use for washcloths in my house is to chase the animals around, trying to hold it under their mouths before they puke so I don’t have to pull out cleaning products and the steamer when they get half on the hardwood floor and half on the area rug.

imagine being a woman five feet and three inches tall, literally with the last name of little, and having the sheer brass to say, ‘sure, why not tackle the largest instrument in the orchestra’

I love that this story is on Jez. I was performing on stage with her on Sunday. I didn’t know her personally, but by all reports she was an awesome woman and will be dearly missed.

You should see my balls.

Aw thanks :)

What the hell are you talking about? They’re talking about men with cancer and veterans who had their junk blown off in combat and other people who have been in disfiguring accidents. Not dudes who were injured by an attempted assault victim.

patient #2.

She’s the size of a fucking coke machine. I’m surprised the punch even wobbled her.

I am shocked someone in this video is fat.