I have a ginormous, 65-lb basset hound who thinks she's a small dog. In an ideal world, I would have an army of basset hounds and St. Bernards on duty to alert me of the zombie attack.

I smoke. Every hour, usually.

@badmutha: @blackbirdfly: I find GoLikeHellMachine gets the point across quite nicely for me.

@blackbirdfly: Blackbird Motherfuckin Fly would be fucking radtacular.

@marshall47: @braak: That's why I clarified that skinny dudes (and ladies, to be fair) can be tough bastards. However, ragged-ass emo douchebags with eyeliner and bag-o-antler manorexic models are OUT.

@lisas: Skinny isn't bad, malnourished is. I know a number of skinny guys who are tough bastards. It's the effeminate, weight-watching, girl-jean wearing dudes who get dangled out the truck as bait.

@Macloserboy: How many dogs have you had? I've had them all my life, and you inevitably poke a little fun at their expense occasionally. It's not like it's cruel or mean-spirited.

@Erie: 5'11" and 115lbs?! That's pretty crazy...

@LaComtesse: I swear that zombies and Ray Bradbury, George Orwell and Aldous Huxley make reguar nerds into nerds with guns.

@LaComtesse: Nope. But it sounds like he could be on Team GoLikeHellMachine.

@Go Like Hell Machine: Pay no attention to the man on a lot of cold medicine.

@mightymouth: I seriously think that's the only great thing about the skinny-to-death trend in pop culture today. When the zombies do break out, I'm going to gather these goddamn bags of antlers up and throw them out the back of a truck to keep 'em at bay.

I'm kind of a thinner guy who actually does eat all sorts of steak and burgers and shit, but any dude who...

@ccchild: I dated a girl once who worked at one of the Disney stores in the mall. They do that same shit there.

Since I seem to not go anywhere but bars, my "pick up" usually goes like this:

You know, really, Crap Email From _______ is a good idea. I don't care who, as long as they sound like they suck (I don't really give a shit about context) and I get to bash on or poke fun at. I don't actually care, that's just my sense of humor.

@TruculentandUnreliable: Per @alice's response, I guess I could have gone one more and used fuckassery.

@TruculentandUnreliable: Oh, NOW I remember what this guy's fucktarded email reminded me of:

@TruculentandUnreliable: I know. I should have known better than to whip it out there like that.

@TruculentandUnreliable: I didn't really get gay, either, but then again, most of the time I wouldn't know gay if it hit me in the face.