You know, my memory might be off, but I seem to remember Motley Crue would actually stick their dicks in burritos to hide the fact that they'd been sleeping around. Feel free to correct me.

@ALL

@BiscuitDoughJones: Yeah, I'm not the biggest fan, but that bit's golden. "THESE ARE NOT REAL NAMES!"

@BiscuitDoughJones: Ha! That just reminded me of George Carlin's bit about 'Real Names'.

I thought I had words for this, but when I tried to say them aloud, all that came out was "AAARHRHBHGHHAHAHFUCKFUCKAHDHAG...".

@misskris: Wasn't Gregory Corso actually not all that misogynist or woman-hating? It's been a long time since I read him, but that's what I thought I remembered. Feel free to school me if I'm mistaken.

I can't believe no one's mentioned Jim Goad.

A is for alcohol, adderall and Andy! Yay!

@Redheads_Are_Righteous: Ummm, did I mention that I'm originally from Detroit and grew up in Oklahoma?

@Redheads_Are_Righteous: Drinking, smoking, and red hair! Let's go on a date to the liquor store!

It's funny - I actually do drink less when I'm in a relationship with someone. Though, in fairness, they usually pick up their drinking significantly.

I just like that she doesn't have little, teacup-sized non-dogs. Large dogs are awesome.

@hortense: If you had an ectoplasm buggy for all of your ghastlycrumb tinies, you'd be fucking SET!

@notaclevername: That explains the giant colony of beer bottles on my stove!

@hortense: The fact that you referenced Ghostbusters 2 makes me want to marry you.

I must admit that I use 'Darlin' on a regular basis, but only with very close friends/ex-lovers, or with current lovers. It's an endearing thing, and I'm always sure to check that it's not offensive, or condescending...

The girl I (wish I was) dating is all about totes, and Ews and whatevs, and crazy fucking style and is also a scary-smart, wicked independent anthropologist who's a step away from carrying a gun and putting people who deserve it in jail. FUCK. YEAH.

@msb2: Right eye or left eye? Mine's the right!

My company's based out of San Diego (I'm in Denver), and we've been up and on-call pretty constantly since Sunday trying to provide support to the poor bastards having to move servers from building to building to building to keep out of the way of the fire. Un-fucking-believable. Good luck to all you Southern…

I'm mostly going to stay out of this one, but I do think that it's important to make a distinction between a very rare, accidental slap on the face and beating the hell out of your significant other, regardless of gender. One's a stupid, thoughtless, avoidable - but not normally repeated - action; the other is…