I’M NEW HERE, BITCH, BUT I’M NOT A MORON.

Sometimes, when I think today is the day I'm going to go nuclear on my shared assistant, she surprises me with a next-level breakfast sandwich from the place up the street, and I'm like "Oh, you..." {disgusting, animal eating noises}

#TeamSausage

I LOVE DUNKIN DONUTS. People talk so much shit but it hits the spot so hard and its cheap. I went to my old DD so often that the employees got invested in my love life.

I’ll just leave this right here.

I’ll go on the record: my favorite breakfast sandwich is just a standard Dunkin Donuts bacon/egg/cheese on a bagel.

I am cool with a regular BEC, but if you get *too* fancy, I’m done. The only exception is if you can find me some true English bacon. Then I will be a happy lady. English bacon is the Best Thing.

YOU GOT THIS. You are smart, funny and super good looking. Everyone will love you and you will become a work god! They will worship at your feet.

Hillary Clinton 2016:

“I have to tell ya–eight years of one demographically symbolic president is enough”

I’m gonna miss you so damn much.

i will keep posting this until it comes true

I’ve been at my job for a year. I still call it “my new job” and feel completely confused every day. I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worse.

Agreed. Also relevant:

Hahahaha I just started a new job too and I have no fucking idea what I'm doing...

First days are hard, but you will be an expert in no time.

“...I have no idea what I’m doing...”

alconleigh: Hang in there you’ll figure it out.

Mother of god, what is that a PETA stunt?

STEAL SOME SCOTCH TAPE THO