My boss threatened to fire me a few days ago if I didn't change my "tone" over the phone* that I had during a teleconference with a client, so actually I think I deserve this job more than anyone.

stop i'm dyingggg at my desk

ugh so reasonable

I just want to go home and watch Best in Show, should I skip spin class for this? Y/N

Tom you're better than this

Beyonce superfans are the absolute fucking worst and please, I beg of you, come the fuck after me.

adult cats, please. Kittens are cute, but they're fucking dicks.

Man, I gotta read this more closely when I'm not at my desk. This is CRAZY and FASCINATING and HORRIBLE and DAMN, Natasha, like I said yesterday, you are BRAVE, girl.

look at his marble arms :')

I look at Bieber, I see Kate.

[burns English degree]

"As soon as we started dating, fashion people were really opposed to the idea of reality stars,"

He's saying HI DALILA I'M FAT 'N HAPPY

Living in London ruined foxes for me. They're less cute when they're standing in front of your door, chewing on a Kit Kat wrapper they snagged from your garbage which, incidentally, they have torn open and strewn all over your porch.

I found this picture by typing "happy baby otter" into the Google

Nooooo baby otter is the pet we should get. It's what we deserve. Treat yo'self

I WANT TO SNOOFLE HIS FACE

BABY

gimme all yr beagle pics now, puppies preferred

Also on a different note entirely, Erin, I am so sorry about this, also you are gorgeous and your writing means a lot to me and I kind of look up to you a lot ok bye <3