Those buckets all have a seal that says "Freshly Prepared," and I just think of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer installed a garbage disposal in his shower, and the big payoff comes when he has a dinner party and announces, to his guests' horror,
"I prepared it as I bathed."

Only a dipstick would say anything like that. You sound like a turkey.

It's that thing where eight midgets do an acapella version of Quicksilver Girl and stop in the middle of the song.

In heaven, everything is fine.
Candy colored clown they call the sandman has intercourse on clouds.

Well, okay, but before we vote, I'd like Doug to explain why he wants to kill Brocktoon!

9 1/2 Desks

I think I'd prefer an adaptation of The Mezzanine, because, damn, nobody can ruminate on shoe laces and milk cartons like Nicholson Baker.

When you say it, it sounds like pubes.

Seriously, though, you can't name a gangster after a Sleestak.

So, I was at the dentist yesterday. The hygienist asked what music I would like, and typed St. Vincent into the Pandora app running on the Tooth Computer. I couldn't hear the first song over Mister Thirsty and a neighboring filling job, plus construction across the street, but at the point of plaque scraping, when it…

Chunks of Guys Like You in my Swirl

Yeah, let's try another one.
"I'll masturbate to that!"
That's the catchphrase.

Hozorpazorpdor?

He's a multi-Tier-ed solutions architect.

When I was little, in the 70s, it was pretty common to have your milk delivered, by a dairy employee known as the milk man no less, and the dairy would issue those who subscribed to such a service a milk box, an aluminum box lined with styrofoam insulation, which you kept on your porch, and the milk man would leave…

Onion rings are to die for, I says.

Holsten's, the restaurant where Tony's family gathers in the final episode of the Sopranos, doesn't seem like anything special, but I understand the onion rings are to die for. Oh! Get a load a me with the jokes over here.

You mean they serve it with mint jelly?

Seriously, with their security issues, their logo might as well be a big bullseye.

Oh, don't act like you know what birds like. Birds are into some fucked up shit. You know it was a chicken that invented turducken.