Oh, okay. This is not Amy Ryan. Different Amy altogether. Linguistically, Ryan and Adams are very close, especially in the case of Ryan Adams, who, uh . . . the fuck did I do?

When white guys who are actually brothers call each other "brother" it is, I assume, because they share a special psychic bond and are probably going to kill me.

*somber theme music*

Knock, knock, Batman.
Who's there?
It's me, the knocker.
It's me the knocker who?
Oh, wait.

I am, indeed, that fictional murdered Jedi-adopting moisture farmer, but cannot conceive how my milk-tinting prank tipped you off.

Typical loafer-shod assholes!

Well, this morning I put blue food coloring in the milk. My daughter's like, what's with the milk, and we're all, nothing it's fine, and successfully not laughing for a good fifteen seconds. Then the big payoff came when grandma comes over for lunch and just GASPs when she pours a glass for my daughter.

Green, white and golblargleblahggleblurg-urp-blugg.

Sheesh. Poke your junk in the yogurt vat ONE TIME, and you're branded a culture-rapist.

If this article is to be believed, Will Ferrell is joining it.

See? SEE?

Perhaps the Halt_and_Catch_Fire wikipedia entry will get so much traffic that the Internet tubes that access it all melt.

*Spike Lee farts the Mentos list of ingredients*

So, the Harry Potter books are the current bedtime reading I do for my daughter. Sometimes, to make sure she's listening, I replace every verb with "fart." She's always listening.

Wiper, no wiping! Wiper, no wiping! Wiper, no wiping!

Leaving room for cream?

What's Rick and Morty?

I'm Will Grazorpazorpaham, you white guilt milquetoast piece of human garbage.

How can you stand all that accordion playing?

But, there's a bowling alley in the basement of the Illini Union, and, last I checked they had that awesome 720 skateboard video game.