Trump is what happens when someone spends spent their entire life just not taking care of themselves in the slightest. And also were born with the money to make it so they could do insanely self-destructive shit whenever they wanted. He spray-tans to that absurd shade, because otherwise, his facial skin would…

Trump’s perfect jeans stay in the back of his closet. He has never been able to fit into them. The clerk at the store kept trying to tell him they were the wrong size, but Trump didn’t listen.

Yes, give her the lead, and let her make the character her own!

It must be so, for I have also heard the still small voice telling me to obliterate his kneecaps. And also to get him a vasectomy.

I have never wanted a politician’s mistress to come forward and regale us all with her account of the time he got her pregnant, and then demanded she abort, so very, VERY badly.

How dare you, prostate care is super duper important, and should be covered by all insurance plans. Or so I assume would be the answer from an all old guy political body.

I was thinking Iceland or Australia, since you’d need to be pretty damned determined to go to war with either.

Do you remember what colors the LEDs were in the bed? I’m curious as to whether someone cold just make their own.

I’d rather he were kidnapped for a Japanese gameshow that centered around punching him.

Holy crap, I would never have guessed. He’s such an asshole, and a conservative.

If all else fails, there’s always bumfights.

Part of it is that they are now required to prove that they are good women. But also, they do hate women.

We’ve also got a huge fucking fake Ark that taxpayer money went to, and that already is exhibiting some signs of water damage.

We got box turtles and snapping turtles, and one Mitch McConnell.

I just want to see somebody standing on the corner shouting,“EARTH WAS CREATED LAST THURSDAY, AND ALL “MEMORIES” OF PREVIOUS TIME WERE PLANTED THERE BY GOD, TO TEST OUR FAITH!!”

I hate to break it to you, but that’s due to an artifact of translation, and also prudishness. It’s not the tail they are describing, and the choice of the verb “move” is — while semantically related, in a very broad sense — NOT accurate to what is being described.

This looks like a job for the Satanic Temple!

Unfortunately, I’m leaning towards agreeing with you on this. Kentucky is a beautiful state, but the assholes who live here get louder and harder to ignore with every damn year. They also seem to be either infectious, or reproducing parthenogenetically, to the point where regular folks may soon be outnumbered.

This is the best chicken ever. I’m gonna try and eat one, it’s on my bucket list now.

OK, now I gotta know this story.