"What do 'gay as a parade' mean, anyway? Karl Malone was in parade once, Karl Malone ain't gay. Karl Malone rode in float for Karl Malone's birthday. Anyway, until next time, this here Karl Malone."

Spectators at the matches were disgusted, describing them as "the most exciting soccer we've ever seen".

Sorry, that's the exclusive province of white players. Brown players owe everything to their natural talent and athleticism. Puig speaks Spanish though, which does make him eligible to have fire and passion, and to act as a "spark plug."

Technically, the robbery only resulted in Harris being put on probation.

Ummm, <uses index finger to push up glasses> technically, he traveled. Also, the defender got there as he was already dunking, so I would hardly say he dunked in his face. Finally, it is well known that the D-League games are of low quality and hence, meaningless. In conclusion, I am unable to enjoy life.

I find a certain irony in the fact that they're trying to blame this on Sum Yung Kid.

"It was great!"

I'm not here to interpret the laws. Only to enforce them.

"I said I'm not on steroids!"

You're confusing spousal privilege with what's commonly called spousal disqualification. Spousal privilege means that no witness can be compelled to testify against his or her spouse, regarding anything, whether it occurred before they were married or not. That privilege belongs only to the witness though, and only…

whoooshhh

And lo, was the Way for Tebow cleared, that he might play Tight End, and probably sucketh at that, too. The Lord worketh in some mysterious-ass ways.

Mark Ruffalo needs a fucking haircut.

What a funny kid. Would love to see what he has in store for next year's speech, but like any Dodger fan I'm sure he'll be gone midway through the sixth.

I'm married with kids where is my own clothing line?

Who's Tim Tebow?

the amount of mad in your response suggests that it really fucking matters to you

Got it. So I'm just an idiot. Public shaming, all around.

No cartoon stars swirling around his head.