I AM THE HIGHEST LEVEL

Buy the dude-razors. That alone will personally save you $1.4 billion.

(obligatory)

getting months and months worth of free birth control pills in the mail is the best thing that’s happened to me since the backstreet boys kickstarted my sexual awakening.

#ThanksObama !

Jeez, guys, it’s like, slightly less expensive to be a woman, now!!

That cuts deep, AJ.

Srsly. Can you imagine Blake Lively wearing this? NO. Because she never would. She’s out back in a fug ass Marchesa dress.

Also, let’s be clear.

His Twitter account is world class. Genuinely funny.

My observation as a sworn parent of an only child who’s been forced to endure twin nephews and various iterations of kid’s playdates?

IT IS UNBELIEVABLE

Our eyebrow game hasn’t been the same since Callie left.

Speaking from experience I am pretty sure it’s younger sisters who turn into selfish monsters.

This needs more stars. Why doesn’t Jezebel shame those who abuse eyebrow pencils more often?

Fine. ALL children will grow up to be selfish monsters. You can find them stampeding eachother to death when the doors to Wal-Mart open on Christmas Eve.

I have literally no idea who these people are or why they keep smelling their fingers or why this woman abuses eyebrow pencil so badly.