I would have gone with Rin Tin Tin-der.

Nobody’s convincing me this is anything but an app for dogfuckers.

Haha, that’s exactly what I thought. I’m currently dog-less, but want to hang out with doggies! And maybe their humans if the human is cool (which is statistically far more likely with a dog person).

craigslist

ok so what if i don’t have a dog, and have been basically using tinder to find a girl with a dog that i can hang out with all day, where is the app for me

“The great thing about the Hamptons is that you really can live in the Hamptons and not live in the Hamptons in the Hamptons way.”

How you doin’? Wanna climb inside my time machine?

He’s back!!!! Hoorayyyyy!!!!!

the check engine light was a way of life. It came on for everything. The oxygen sensors. The gas cap. If it was raining. To remind you about endangered animals. When you were singing. When you were driving on dirt. When you had forgotten your grocery list.

For you! Lexus sells hundreds of thousands of cars each year to people who disagree with you.

I call dibs on corgi-snuggling duty!

We’ve all made that mistake, right, fellas?

Yeah but building a new building would cost far more than that.

like goddamn clockwork

i am trying to think of the comments this piece is going to get

If your country is America then YES

I can has in this country?

FIVE minutes? You don’t have to brag, dude.

5 minutes of frustrated grunting followed by an hour of crying?

It works both ways though. I was hit on about as much by women wearing wedding/engagement rings as single women when I lived in Texas.