Nick Offerman is my spirit animal.

I mean, I’d do him. But wouldn’t advertise it on twitter. Classless peons.

It’s a really bad idea to have someone “nut on my chess.” Very difficult to checkmate when the queen keeps sticking to the board.

When I was in high school, some local, road-side hotel decided to convert their restaurant to a Chinese buffet. They called the high school to see if there were any “Chinese girls who would like a job.” Damn it. I was the only Chinese girl in the school, and actually, yeah, I wanted another job because college was…

SPF30 is some melanin haver shit. Us true day walkers require SPF50+

With FOX and the Washington Times bringing their tiny little hands

If there was a thread about straight PDA i would say the same thing.

There is no law, either man or god's, that dictates she need ever give one more blowjob in her life. So that's just swell. But to claim her decision is, in part, balancing out the ledgers for never having been eaten out in past relationships?

Is Thing That Is Inherently Selfish, Selfish? Jezebel Reports!

Of course it's selfish if she's demanding oral sex on her part. Just because you were treated like crap in a previous relationship doesn't give you the right to treat the next person like crap. If so, then I would have ever4y right to cheat on my girlfriend, cuz I was cheated on and didn't get my share in.

"We're harassing someone."

"small bacteria that live inside of other cells' walls"

I hate being one of those "check your privilege" people, but here I go.

I knew it! Reproduction is a trap encouraged only by the most primitive parts of the brain.