I’m with you 100%. If you can’t take the heat please get out of the kitchen.

Exactly. Given the state of Rio and its dirty water and broken dreams, there will probably be lots of plastic bags in the audience needing some encouragement.

Yeah remember 2007 when Jezebel wasn’t a pop culture site? Those sure were the days.

Not only that but they all bought their teeth at the same place. That is some Stepford-level creepiness right there.

Holy shit. It’s a sea of whiteness.

Guys, Paul Ryan doesn’t see color.

It’s the last day of Ramadan. Would eat salted granola covered with butter right now.

“Earlier you said all men have a fantasy of being teenage girls. Do you still have that fantasy?”

“Narcissism is awful, and young people are the worst, but isn’t this 16-year-old girl super hot?”

I am so tired of this bullshit on my facebook feed:

“I stand behind you in line at the store with a smile on my face...and a gun under my shirt and you are none the wiser, yet you are safer for having me next to you. I won’t shoot you. My gun won’t pull it’s own trigger. It is securely holstered with the trigger…

God bless Sam Bee. She really is the rightful heir to the Daily Show—even if she’s doing her own show now. She’s the person who I look to now for her take on news events, who I can count on for catharsis.

There once was a girl from Nantucket
with talent as deep as a bucket.
She tried to “sound black”
and wrote songs like a hack
so they gave her a Grammy when they should have said “Fuck it.”

really really really wanna chicken tik a tik ahhhhh

This was my immediate reaction too - how can parents do this to their child? But I think it’s clear that there are some places out there where there’s a huge difference between a ‘male child’ and a ‘female child’. It seems like when it comes to females, families feel a sense of ownership, which they don’t feel towards…

Belief that children are your property.

Well, unless you’re planning on having a time-share baby, there isn’t really a way to become a parent and just deal with kids in mild doses or moderation.

You should read my new book - Postmodern Working Woman: The Empowering Nature of Selling Your Body’s Excess Bioelectricity Back to the Grid

i’m a postmodern working woman

Was coming here to say the same thing. Seriously, he’s talking about how his poor, precious pumpkin won’t ever enjoy steak again?