Try again when your story is, “Lisa Lampanelli Launches Self Into Sun, Will Never Be Heard From Again.” That’s a Lisa Lampanelli story that interests me. That’s a Lisa Lampanelli story I can get behind.

Yoga is actually pretty awesome. I will say that if someone is looking for something that is more high intensity and not at all spiritual, DDP Yoga is pretty cool. It’s not for everyone, but of all the yoga I’ve done in my life it was the most accessible and I’d argue that it’s definitely a really good cardio workout.

DDP Yoga sounds right for you, honestly.

On one hand, I’m glad large companies are getting into the, “fuck this symbol of hate,” game, even if they should have jumped on that bandwagon a long time ago. On the other, being fairly poor in south Mississippi, I can’t help but think that this could be a fantastic business opportunity for someone who is willing to…

It’s really about ethics in oh my god just shut the fuck up already, Gamergate.

It’s totes edgy as fuck to completely erase the gender identities of genderfluid people, though. Totes.

I’m not saying I’m proud of it, but this was my best friend for a long time.

My Doberman is my character judge. I don’t trust anyone until they get his seal of approval.

I prefer my method. It’s so much faster. You take your cheese of choice and then you eat that cheese. Continue until satisfied. So much faster and no need for extra ingredients. 10/10 would eat again.

70lbs in 4 months is totally reasonable, as long as you didn’t start out at 220lbs. That’s just dangerous as shit.

Too bad Billy Corgan is an absolutely abysmal human being for the most part.

lolno.

God, you’re boring.

One day, Feminism is actually going to be a safe space because people like you are gone. Whether you all abandon ship or just get old and die, doesn’t matter. Can’t happen soon enough.

Let’s just be honest. Tater tots aren’t French fries. Tater tots are what French fries could have been, had those French fries had any ambition or any desire to not be so fucking worthless.

Fuck that. I spend every single day of the year worrying about and taking care of everyone around me. My birthday is my day, dammit, and it’s going to be awesome and it’s going to be all about me and if anyone close to me forgets it I will have their head on a pike. YOU WILL ADORE ME AND LOVE ME ON MY BIRTHDAY AND THE…

I’m actually happy this game finally came out. I’ve been thinking about clearing up my Steam friend’s list a bit and getting rid of anyone who buys it is a good starting point.

Sometimes, boner control is excellent. Sometimes, you yawn and suddenly there’s an unexplained boner. For some poor souls, it might be the most mundane moment of the most mundane day of your life and suddenly there’s a random boner because with boners, there is no logic.

You know there’s gotta be at least a few conservative sites and blogs running with this story right now with a big, “GAY MAN MARRIES SON” headline and a lot of rhetoric about how “teh gayz” are trying to indoctrinate and steal all of the children right out of Conservatopia because facts be damned.

I honestly thought the pancakes went with the Riff Raff tweet for a second there and I was like damn, this is the best tweet. I am going to run like hell toward the pancakes.