Penguins like all birds have a single lower external orifice called the cloaca. This is not a “pussy”.

I don’t pretend to know the whole story here, but what a bitch.

Carob?

She fucking killed that debate and I am drunk and a nasty woman and also i love bad hombres and fuck him and i ate a burrito and several cookies and maybe like a whole bottle of whine or wine or shit or omg i need to go to bed even on the west coast i am a mess omg i hate trump o hope he dies ifn a fire

I have a Boston Terrier. I know your pain.

The pills looked like Dexatrim to me, which seemed appropriate for fashion, and then I realized they don’t even make Dexatrim anymore and now I feel old.

Here’s what’s frustrating about this: We already knew he was a racist. He’s already dehumanized black americans, latino americans, muslim americans. He’s a racist.

My grandmother lived to be 91, and she smoked from age 13 to 90, when my aunt took her cigarettes away for fear she might fall asleep with one in her hand. I don’t think mere normal people could get away with that, though. Grandma Helen was a seriously cool old lady:

This woman looks badass and I would like to share a drink with her. Happy Birthday, Maysie!

And even though she’ll “report” on “one of those crazy conspiracy theories” (Like the “mysterious” thing that Hillary wore during the debate that was her mic-pack) and give it a wink and a shrug, she’s STILL REPORTING THE CRAZY CONSPIRACY THEORIES and the loons that watch Fox don’t hear the sarcasm, they just hear the…

Seth Myers’ White House Corespondents’ Dinner stint is a really unappreciated gem, especially for his Trump-focused shots.

sounds like you are visiting the wrong fountains, friend.

Rural Southern California is scary. And I’m from rural Appalachia so that’s saying something.

Well...I guess CrossFit is better than ISIL, but don’t make me say it twice.

Seems a little weird/creepy to me.

I can’t take it anymore. Please... enough with the damn Pokemon.

Props to that guy for shining the worlds brightest spotlight on this guy’s lack of professionalism without sacrificing his own.

I would hit it like a Jeopardy buzzer. Over and over again. I'll take Walk of Shame for 1,000, Alex.

I am laughing at this SO HARD. He is such a douche. He's SUCH a douche. He's probably terrible in bed. I don't even care. I would still hit it like the wrath of God. I'd just make sure he wasn't in a position to speak until well after we were done.