I’m only here for all of the panicked bro internet scientists sweeping angrily through the comments about how this is bullshit bc blah blah blah not peer-reviewed something something something sample size.

If someone is calling me "Attorney", I'm in trouble for something. It starts in law school. Professors refer to you as 'attorney last name' from day one when they're addressing you. It's not exactly mocking but it's not exactly ***not*** mocking either. 

I was engaged to a military officer a few years back and everyone referred to me as ma'am. I was 26. I just assumed that was a thing. They also cleaned up their language around me, which was fucking adorable.

‘Desserts prepared in house!’

Ohhhhhh I love me a coconut cream Pepperidge Farm cake. I've been known to down an entire one with a fork in front of the tv the way some people inhale ice cream. 

All pie is good pie.

Agree. Although I'm giggling at all of the sweet summer children who are admitting to being taken in like fools by Panera's schtick. We Americans like to think that we're so savvy and yet whole industries exist in plain sight, dedicated to obfuscating the truth for profit. It's like Olivia Pope never existed in the…

Are there people who really think there’s someone in the galley kitchen of chain joints stirring pots of mac and cheese, red sauce, pesto, alfredo, chicken soup, cream of tomato soup, and broccoli cheddar soup while sweating over short ribs, mashed potatoes, pans of lasagna, roasting chickens, and flipping burgers?…

Whole milk instead of water, mayonnaise instead of oil. 

Her accent sounded nothing like Jackie’s and they made SUCH a big deal about how hard Natalie worked to nail it. I’m pretty sure there was a documentary and a few podcasts about it. Also, as someone from NY, I’ve never noticed that Jackie had an accent, just precise, private school and Vassar educated diction.

I would think that the heavy texture of the squash would overwhelm the delicate layers of meringue and whipped cream here.

I’ve reached the point in my career where I can reply to any dumbfuck redundant questions with: ‘feel free to read through my previous emails on the subject and circle back if you fail to find clarity’. And I definitely cc any relevant partners just in case they've missed how dumb the person is who emailed me.

It really is amazing how eager people are to believe that they are super special and they are successful bc of their specialness and not a meaningless social construct that prioritizes their perceived genitalia.

When Caitlyn Jenner came out on the cover of Vanity Fair, my group of friends and I darkly joked, 'welcome to sisterhood!', 'Enjoy your 23% cut in pay and never having anyone believe you about anything ever again!'

You know what’s “fucking exhausting”? Not getting the recognition and accolades you’re due bc you’re not a white man. These awards translate directly into opportunity and wealth. She, and every non-white, non-male person, have the right to be outraged at white men continuously shitting all over society and pretending…

I love cooking but my rule is that if I can buy it better, I don't make it. I'm also lucky enough to live in an area with delicious Italian restaurants so that I just have to pull one of the quarts out of the fridge and reheat.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Who hurt you?

Yeah. I grew up in an area dominated by delicious neighborhood Italian mom and pop restaurants and I buy my sauce from my favorite restaurant or just get takeout, if I don’t feel like eating in. Which is rare bc there is nothing like sitting in a dimly candlelit hole-in-the wall joint, with the amazing smells wafting…

Fuck, I can’t stop laughing at this.

Same. I don't care about poor service if the food is good. Excellent service doesn't make up for mediocre food.