alright alright you aint gotta clown me - I know I aint J K Rowing but I’m just saying they could’ve made it a little more diverse - it was basically a bunch of white prep school kids who could do magic...boring!

In the right context, corn on pizza is Good.

Jet fuel can’t melt Division Wins

wives are less moist

But less sodium, so that’s a plus.

Cut him some slack fellas, his lips get tired when he reads.

From the Reading Comprehension Tees

I liked it until Jim Nantz did. And then I didn’t.

Pop quiz, hotshot: You’ve caught feels for this woman. ... What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?

Yeah, let’s blame it on those pesky millenials! Let’s not blame it on a range of motorcycles where the lightest weighs as much as the Death Star, the cheapest is still fucking expensive, the most powerful couldn’t pull the dick off a chocolate mouse, the most sporty has the dynamic prowess of a bag of shot badgers and…

mad props, looking forward to the next act

Well FUCK future me! He’s all sober, not hung over on Saturday and full of himself. I just got back from the grocery store, slightly sweaty and just talked to useless frickin’ losers about the sports game from yesterday and the weather. That lazy fuck can get off his ass and brown some beef. Here’s an article....…

These tests do not accurately reflect the real-world usage of an Alfa-Romeo. A rear-impact from the breakdown lane is by-far the most likely crash for a Giulia owner.

Once you reach a certain age, pitching a tent gets harder and harder.

I served in the military during the Vietnam war, and my foot hurt too, but I served anyway.

I’m from Wisconsin. And I don’t live near Milwaukee or Madison. I feel you.

It’s really weird seeing Adrian Peterson in a Saints’ uniform. Because he should be in a prison jumpsuit. Fucking asshole.

The mouth said “run it up their donkey”, but the eyes say “go outside and cut your own switch”

How many conference games will the Illini win this year? 1? 2?