I would have guessed that just one post-coital “how you doin?” is grounds for immediate dismissal.

Game over, man. Game over!

That’s solid Kinja, right there.

Goddammit, that is some Hall-of-Fame-level Kinja right there.

Don’t even think of it as being a casual observer; think of it as free, front-row center luxury box seats...

- Starin’ at something, friend?
- I ain’t your friend, palooka

How about Archaea, then? Plus, it’s gender-neutral!

Little brothers are no picnic, either...

The “Paris Review” gag was a nice touch.

When will Congress and state legislatures realize that cutting budgets have consequences?

Isn’t everyone’s?

Papal infallibility†

Congress is pretty busy working on reasonable gun control legislation and making finely-tuned improvements to Obamacare, so it might be hard to fit that in.

stick to oral, manual, anal, mutual masturbation

“Are there no prisons?” asked Scrooge.

Well, that’s gonna rack up some serious billable hours...

After looking at just a half-dozen or so articles, here’s an early look at just the fiscal impact of the GOP’s pennywise plan:

I know it’s still only January, but you should probably go ahead and start writing your 2016 Internet Comment of the Year acceptance speech.

It’s hard. I told my 12-year-old that football is off the table. Luckily he doesn’t have much interest in it. He has played hockey since he was five and is losing interest, which is also lucky for me: I have a medical and scientific background as well and I think the evidence is becoming increasingly clear that it’s…