+1 Pillsbury Throwboy

When asked if the victim was wearing a bike helmet, Schiano replied, “A what?”

The Illinois list is incomplete without Beaverville—but it's meaningless without Dix. That's like not even trying.

Try the Mark Cuban Missile Crisis Dog at the concession stand!

Classic example of overtraining.

—“Wait, what?”

Either remember Vai Sikahema or GTFO.

The old guy’s first mistake was asking who was raisin’ Cain in the hallway.

That's bullshit—it obviously turned the tide of momentum towards Illinois.

That’s Evangel Christian playing—I guess the Rapture is real. The rest of us are probably screwed.

Did you mean thquad?

First off, Smoke didn’t kill anyone in the Mobil Coca-Cola Bass Pro Shops Jimmy John’s Chevy so get that right out of your head and stop blaspheming. It was a sprint car so it doesn't count.

You should see him throw—kid has a hose.

Dangerous move—that Croatian wrestler is a fucking clown.

Evacuating JFK in Dallas didn’t go that smoothly.

He might have to reschedule his interview at Vivid Video.

So who would win—the hippo or the rhino?

Understandable mistake—Orlando has an unusual cadence.

My dad loved the Lockhorns and read it every day—he had early onset dementia and would cut the strips out of the paper. He died a year ago at 88 and I found several thousand of them in a metal tin at his house. I read every one. I never liked it but I still find myself reading that damn strip from time to time.

His name was was Hafez; he was a soldier.