I'm thinking that replacing either guy with Marty Feldman dramatically increases the chances of a completed Five.

John Jay shows interest in this revalation about Xander Bogaerts.

+1 for knowing f'ing Nitro's real name.

Give the guy proper credit—you have to be really successful to buy a Kubla professional sports franchises.

Pretty common for McAfees to pop somebody.

You'd think Selmonella would be a bigger problem in Tampa.

I'm no scientist—but is 0.00 seconds still considered hang-time?

I can probably handcraft at least 3-4 Kevlar singlets while I'm running Boston next year.

First Kris and now this—Grambling's White Tiger is having a low frequency week.

Suddenly that "Metoyer Shower" nickname sounds a little sketchy.

Much ado about nothing—this year's Steelers would give us less flops than Jennifer Aniston's film career.

Steamboat Hilly

The thieves saw a young tourist with a backpack and knew they'd found their pigeon.

Wow, he's a regular Bearishnikov.

When the coach yelled "Cross!", he didn't mean the tibia and fibula.

Big deal—I bet that bear doesn't even play tetherball.

Baton Death Marching Band.

They didn't get to shoot much—nobody could find the X button to reload.

The only downside to this is I didn't see a reply from anyone I know. I'm a Cardinal fan, grew up about an hour from STL (on the good side but not anywhere near Will Leitch) and have attended games since I was a little kid. That being said; sports fans are awful—including everyone in #RedOctober. Douches.

Just a weak attempt to curry favor with the commenting public...