I thought the reason they keep us arguing about climate change is to keep us distracted from the truth that it is real and we’re already so fucked.

I was really hoping this article was going to be a call for the return of the halcyon days of kids on leashes.

I’ve always said if you can eat when you’re hungry and sleep when you’re sleepy —you’re rich.

At first I was like, “Oh yeah, turkey salad, can’t believe I didn’t think of that myself, better grab the mayo,” and then you were like

THE CALZONES...BETRAYED ME!

Wouldn’t the door sink?

...or Jiffy Pop.

UPDATE: I had the gluten-free and the cornbread mixed up. The gluten free was decent.

I hate my job.

She didn’t for some reason

Look at how the tobacco industry worked: Smoking does not cause cancer (even though they had their own studies showing it did), Well, maybe smoking causes cancer but it is complicated & tobacco is not to blame, OK tobacco is to blame but its people fault for being addicted (even though they specifically modified…

“Does it get cold enough to snow in Atlanta?”

Yeah, I’ll also take Ben’s proposal over Jim’s. And I love their vows:

I honestly never got the appeal of The Office. I never found cringe comedy entertaining. In fact, the Office being more popular than Parks and Rec leaves me looking like this:

Because they’re nice people; Jim and Pam are jerks.

I always preferred Leslie & Ben to Jim and Pam.