Maybe your car would appreciate you a little more if you gave it a compliment once in a while. Some flowers wouldn’t hurt either. 

MAGA Dark Roast

Can I pay for my coffee with a tax cut on the wealthy?

What have I gotten myself into?

Nothing wrong with a little dinner theater. Does he take requests? I’d like a medley from Phantom. 

Applebee’s menu and lean don’t belong in the same paragraph. 

I regret nothing. 

Duh. Pretty sure that’s a Lambo. 

Pretty sure that’s a Lambo, dude.

That’s a pretty pricey car. Be a real shame if something happened to it.

Should give them plenty of time to get through all the seasons of Gilligan’s Island. 

Which bathroom did Fox have her use? 

Bertucci’s had a Nolio pizza on the menu for years. My favorite. Then they took it off the menu. I continued to order it for roughly another 10 years. Then they put it back on the menu. AITA?

Will there be live Jalopnik coverage of SNL this weekend? 

Whaddya mean not good for kids? Just throw a couple of these in the back and you’re good to go. Look, 4 handholds. Safety first. 

Waiting for the Super Bowl Timberline ad with Timberlake in his Timberlands.

As a before-times commuter in the Boston area, any direction is the wrong direction at rush hour.

GM wanting in on that Tesla short action and not quite getting it right. 

Zee game of love is never called on account of milkshakes.

She’s not heavy, she’s my car.