I know exactly how Pescatelli feels! Back in the mid-80s I used to do this whole stand-up set about waiting for a table at a Chinese restaurant and then lo and behold that bastard Seinfeld stole it for his lousy TV show.

I always have mixed feelings on MLK day because I’m white, but I was also related to him (by marriage, not blood), so I feel like I should celebrate the day, but I’ve always gotten side-eye from POC in my life if I mention this.

That’s some ego you’ve got there, Snowden. FYI, I send nude pics to everyone on my Christmas card list.

Without Gilbert?

Okay, Yoko. That’s it.

As a 34-year-old single woman, I don’t care for odds. They tell me that I have better odds of being struck by lightning while having a conversation with a time traveling scientist while sitting in his time machine and enjoying a piña colada in the year 1885 than I do of meeting a man who would actually enjoy seeing me…

Goddamit! You guys couldn’t just watch the new season of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and leave it at that, could you?

Because I stopped caring about this article 6 hours ago and no one seems to get my point anyway, will it satisfy you if I just say I was wrong? I was so wrong, my wrongness made all other wrongness look right, okay?

Okay, again, I didn’t mean for my comment to be taken as an incredulous “that’s impossible!”. More like a “meh, I sorta doubt it”. I just found that scenario the most unlikely to have happened exactly as depicted in the show, which again, has 1. two people with the same first and last name meeting because of said…

My okay was meant to be sort of a shrugged okay, as in ‘I guess it could happen’. But just for the sake of argument because I’m having a bad day, it’s a slippery slope to say all the stories are true and then say, well, it wasn’t a virgin and he didn’t have the exact same name....and so on.

But anyone with same first AND last name? I’m not saying it could never happen. Truth is stranger than fiction and whatnot. I’m just saying of all the sex story lines, that’s the one I have the most trouble believing.

Awww, they have a trashy past to go with their trashy future.

Oh good. Now lots of guys will be inspired by this story and decide that the only way to find their soulmate is to first harass her anonymously and then if they’re lucky enough to find her again, harass her right to her face. If she can “handle it”, then she’s the one.

So a guy actually was arrested while having sex with someone and they had to undo their sex cuffs so real cuffs could be put on?

On the one hand, her performance wasn’t as good. I thought the ukulele distracted from her voice and she seemed to rush through the song, probably because of nerves. That said, the husband was dancing with the kid and you see the JLo look over at him, so he was distracting, like he was part of the performance, whereas…

Okay, then they just waited for a woman whose last known contact was Steven Avery to be killed. That also seems like quite a stretch.

Okay now I can hear the creepy theme song in my head and I am going to have nightmares because of you.

I think we’re going to have to employ good ol’ Occam’s Razor on this one. Which is more likely? That a person with an admitted, documented history of violence towards women who had just received publicity for being wrongfully convicted thought he could get away with murder by claiming to be wrongfully accused again,…

Intellectually, I know that this has nothing (and should have nothing) to do with criminal justice in this country, but if I’m being completely honest, I am unable to feel sympathy for anyone that would throw a cat on a fire.