I really need to practice quickly absorbing shit people say and saying something back to put them in their place! Thank you for your comeback, I’m gonna practice it for next time (hopefully there won’t be a next time but...you know!)

Thank you, and Happy American Thanksgiving to you, Papoo. (I celebrated Thanksgiving on October 8th, as God intended.)

As a public service to my fellow pedants, I will make myself the scapeturkey. Since people don’t like me anyway, I will selflessly be “that guy.” Ahem...if one is acting to make the turkey less frozen prior to cooking, as is the custom, that turkey is said to be thawing. You’re welcome.

American: “Do you guys celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK?”
Me: “Yes, but we celebrate it in September”
American: “Why so?”
Me: “Because that’s when they left...”

I’m not opposed to going to a restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner, but there are drawbacks. You’re not in the comfort of your own home a family members. You’re on a restaurant’s timetable for eating. If you have food allergies, like me being lactose intolerant, you may have more menu limitations at a restaurant than at…

I suppose 2pm sounds good if all you’re doing is eating, but if you’re doing most of the cooking, 4pm is far superior. An early dinner gives you an actual chance to shower, go out and buy that one item that you were absolutely sure you had but had disappeared/gone bad/been eaten in its entirety by a wayward spouse or…

Why is this an asshole law? You can sell anything in Quebec that you can sell in the rest of Canada, you just can’t direct your marketing to children. You have to actually sell to the people making the financial decisions, who can also (at least theoretically) more critically assess the claims made by your…

I used to be a 2 PM person because that was our family’s tradition. After being on my own, though, I have discovered that 4 PM is far superior, especially if you are doing most of the cooking. 4 PM allows me to sleep in, go for a run, shower, eat a bowl of cereal, then cook without being rushed.  As a bonus, by…

Fake friggin’ News!!!!!

There was a parent meeting at the school after this news broke. As they were leaving the press were there asking the parents about their plans regarding their boys in this school, and almost every parent attacked the reporters, blaming the media for this uproar. They defended the school and they defended the boys. It…

That is called THE FALL OF THE ORANGE CURTAIN. 

Hmmm.... I think you’ve ended up with Schroedinger’s Brazilian Hot Wax Kit, instead. Lemme go check the stockroom.

“How can I correct a server who mispronounces a dish?”

Technically, Big Dick Toilet is a misnomer. Long Dick Toilet is correct. Either way, these toilets already exist. Handicap (chair) height toilet with elongated bowl takes care of either problem. Available right now at your favorite home supply store. I personally hate using public bathroom toilets due to testicular…

He should put a sock in it. *studio audience cheers*

It’s just preemptive ass-covering. We’ll have a Democratic President in 2 years, and they’re already cleaning house.

I’d rather look at these two weiners.

“It says right there, “Dewey Defeats Truman!”  Must go with election night call, not this fake news, Democrat stealing the election!”

I disagree! I have those people too (I work in a huge office building, and we get tons of people who run downtown during their lunch breaks), but it’s an entirely different smell. It’s like when people used to hang laundry to dry on a clothes line...it smelled like outside when you brought it in.

I now only read this regular feature for your comments. Thank you.