Are you suggesting that it’s NOT a great time to be alive?

You the burner now, dawg!

So my cousin had a baby 3 or so years ago. The first picture that they emailed to the family and posted on fb was of the baby in swaddling with a handgun on top of the baby.

Buzz it down. See what it looks like. You never know until you try. I have a big goddamned bald spot. I shaved my head. It (surprisingly) looked pretty good. I grew my hair back, because I realized it doesn’t matter. Either way, you’re going bald. I’ll shave mine again when the front gets too thin. Best of luck, man.

I smell a nice civil lawsuit and a quick settlement. Not that that was the point or makes anything better.

For the sake of discussion, let’s say you’re right. That means one must be raised all fancy-pantsed and cultured to be able to understand accents. That sounds elitist and ignorant. Though it might be right. However, I think that some people have better ears than others. I grew up an ignorant little shit, and I can…

No.

You order non-coffee drinks from lawyers?!

Little known fact: dolphins call it human fish, but it is NOT human.

Obviously, both men and women are happiest when farting.

I love you.

Or, the 1989 Pistons.

You must’ve hated watching Jordan or Kobe.

You would’ve hated Shaq. Or, the NBA before 2004 or so.

“I thought you needed to be dribbling a basketball to fall over like that.”

-Austin Rivers

Or casein

I would ask to borrow your salt shaker.

Until they vote.

OH, NO! Now all the half-wheats in the comments will rave against the sully-ing of the foods. Nooooooooooo!

#midwesternchristianlivesmatter