He probably prefers peanut butter to jam.

You went with UB40 instead of Player for Baby Come Back?

Even if they had heard it before, they might still be confused, since it's not actually in the song.

I know what guys want.

No no no. It takes place in a restaurant full of scantily-clad waitresses.

Yeah, you could do that. Or you could sit here and stare blankly into space.

They just didn't have the confidence to tell everyone else.

Clowns are immortal?

While you're at it, send him some porn so he can know you've been exercising.

I don't even have the energy to finish th

"He's so in touch with black people. They should vote for him!"

Well, Trump is 70.

I really don't like Tulsi Gabbard. First she was insisting that you can't beat terrorism without repeating the phrase "radical Islam" ad nauseum, now she's defending Bashar al-Assad. She also used to be quite homophobic years ago, but I guess people change.

Meanwhile, Ted Cruz wants more of True Detective season 2.

In other news, Senator Bernie Sanders can't wait to star in the next season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Hey, some people get off on inflicting pain on themselves. Don't judge.

So what you're saying is, we have those striking writers to blame for the current president?

But who cured Bill Cosby of his cancer?

What was Weekly World News supposed to be? Satirical, like the Onion, or just awful BS like National Enquirer?

But who's more dispensable? If the cast left, it would end the show. If the writers were all replaced, the viewers might not even notice.