There are so many more things to be needlessly anxious about, like amoebas eating your eyeballs.

I feel like this should actually read:

... and in the distance, our hero could see the last wisps of his waning career fading just over the horizon, lit dimly by the light from an In-N-Out sign...

I have this stuck in my head now.

and come with a side of buffalo wings. Because buffalo wings.

whaddabout a lil ball cleave? Everyone likes hairy nuts pressed together, amirite?

Unsolicited dick pics.

Never in my life as a sexually mature woman (or even a sexually immature teen) have I thought, "I could really use a nice high res picture of a phallus in my life right now."

Yes, I feel like this is a perfect time to launch into relationship advice for men. yes yes indeed.

this makes me want to watch that show

Ricky, who'd quit work as banker for a career as a promoter

Da

I believe it was John Steinbeck who said, "Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires."

DO NOT READ DURING LUNCH.

Let she who hasn't gloomily sang "Love Story" to her cat cast the first stone against this statement, I guess.

Is LAX a sub-stereotype of WASP? I propose we pursue this study in our shared natural surroundings.

You sure as shit don't go to Macaroni Grill though.

David Bowie in a Tina Turner wig? Yes, yes it does.

It's okay, we'll have each other. And SmartWater.