Was watching at some friends' house who have three little boys. The 6 year old saw RHCP and asked me, "Why are they naked?" It was everything I could do not to mention the tube sock era.

Wait, who is this Bryan Greenberg fellow? I don't know him, but I like his Iron Throne-based joke. Oh wait, he looks familiar. I'd look him up but now I feel old/out of touch AND lazy. And not nearly drunk enough. FIX THIS, INTERNETS!

The offending author:

Your aversion to popular depictions of female sexuality is noteworthy.

Calling that a ball-gown is really ambitious. Professional ballroom dancer attire is perhaps more accurate.

Not even kidding when I say that video changed my life as a kid. And I use all the excuses to post it.

The balloon(s) may also be filled with narcotics, usually in powdered form, making you the most svelte drug mule for up to a 12 week period.

The Wolf:

WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!

100% sure it wasn't Jonas and the Whale, nor are you a Jonas, good sir.

I was about to correct you that cannibals are such because they mainly eat their own species and then I realized your solution is extremely perfect for a multitude of reasons.

As was Canada's solution to the ship of cannibal rats, perhaps they can just tether him off the coast of St. John's for years until deeming him safe to float toward Europe.

I imagine the new Only Lovers Left Alive starring Hiddleston and the inimitable Tilda Swinton

this gif should be illegal

Interstingly, that's pretty much Brad Pitt's expression throughout Inglourious Basterds.

Only appropriate response: I'd chew: seeds, rind, and all.

Use a yoga ball, it's how prosluts do it.

Yes. Yes, that is the appropriate response. I've had a few years to digest this concept, but it still enrages me.