I have a good story that would fit into that theme....

I had a roommate that worked at a Jimmy Johns and after reading her employee manual, I am not surprised by this at all. Fun fact: The manager is the only employee allowed to put mayo on the sandwiches. Because God forbid someone accidentally get slightly more mayo than usual.

I don't think that's all that bad. It could be worse. You could have my mom who will very loudly say, "I GUESS WE SHOULD'VE GONE TO THAT OTHER RESTAURANT." if she thinks the service is too slow. Although my mom does tip like 30% every time too so at least she's got that going for her.

I made friends with a bartender at my usual place and he was THE BEST bartender in town. Anytime my best friend or I ordered a vodka soda, he would muddle the lemon and lime slices so that it basically tasted like Sprite and he would do this for us no matter how busy the bar was. So I always tipped him fat. He also…

This isn't particularly bonkers, just really shitty and painful at the time.

My favourite has always been:

We should make official Kitchenette monogrammed thermoses with this on it.

Especially if it's usually listed on menus under the "steak" section. At least it is where I work....

This is how I feel when someone asks me for ice for their white zinfandel...

I had a vegan "friend" in high school who would brag about how much healthier she was than all of us while stuffing her face with Laffy Taffy and tortilla chips at lunch.

I can only imagine that the extent of his contact with eggs up until this point has been an Egg McMuffin.

For some reason, as I read this, I pictured my high school boyfriend and I. It sounds like something we would've fought about.

"This way I didn't have to look at my phone and could check results when I made pit-stop, usually with girls who were still like 50 miles down the road."

Rude.

We have one of the top Asian restaurants in America here in Montana. WHAT WHAT. Plus Missoula, MT has two rivaling sushi restaurants. One is owned by a father and the other one is owned by his son (family drama!) and they have $1 sushi nights.

I kept reading that as "mange trout" like a trout suffering from mange. Then I reread it and remembered French existed. OOPS.

NO. NO. I used to train girls on how to make espresso and this makes me cringe so much.

Okay so with that logic, I can start putting whipped cream on my sandwiches and salads?

SHE IS AMAZING AND INSANE! I just bought the October/Halloween issue for this year and it's got a whole section on apple sauce. But not the store bought kind, the kind you make yourself with apples you pick from your own orchard. Because, you know, everyone has one of those. Everything she does is so perfectly rustic!!

I don't see Goop coming out with an amazing Halloween magazine issue every year, so yeah. Goop can suck it.