What a Debbie Downer.

OMG I LOVE SNICKERS SALAD. Definitely a staple at every family event growing up. Did anyone ever bring one of those "salads" you see in 1960's cookbooks that's basically stuff in a jello ring?

The cock story reminds me of when my uncle was a general manager at an Applebee's. He was doing his rounds, going to different tables and checking on customers. He then walks up to a table with two men and blurts out, "And how are you fucks doing this evening?" He had meant to say, "folks." One of the guys burst out…

Number 1 reason why my boyfriend and I are going to elope. Who needs that drama, shiiit. It's about us, not anyone else.

I've also heard that in France (where they also generally don't tip), servers have started being friendlier and more accommodating to American tourists because they tip more often.

Well, you also don't get tips, right? My dad lived in Australia for 8 years and he said when he first moved there, he used to make people really uncomfortable by trying to tip. And now that he brought my Aussie stepmom over to the states, we've had to teach her how to tip. I usually leave extra cause she will…

Well, technically it was chopped up chocolate. But, I dunno. I didn't make it.

Yeah, and full disclosure, if your server works at an upscale restaurant chances are they can't afford to eat there. I'm lucky enough to work at a place that gives me a free meal after every shift so YEAH, I eat prime rib like 3-4 times a week.

I almost prefer regulars because they tend to be really appreciative if you actually can remember what their usual is. And it makes it a lot easier than people saying shit like, "What do YOU like here? What's popular? I'm a grown ass adult who doesn't know how to order food waaaaaah."

Your grandfather is a wise man.

One time I asked my boyfriend to get me an iced chai with a shot of espresso and he just looked at me with a blank stare until I finally said, "Actually, just a plain coffee." He looked so relieved and I learned my lesson.

Well, your comment made me laugh. And thankfully, I did not spit on myself. Highlight of my afternoon.

I think I just found the inspiration for my novel.

UGH! I've worked as a barista in a lot of places and when I was a manager that was the first thing I taught all the new girls. NEVER EVER PUT THE ICE IN FIRST. ICE LAST. No one wants a watery ass iced latte. The only time you can maybe get away with it is an iced americano.

Yup. I had a homeless guy come into a cafe I used to work at and order iced tea with like half a lemon in it and then pay in pennies, nickels, dimes. But he didn't mind his own business. He regaled us with his bizzare theories about how Lady Gaga was actually government mind control and how homosexuals were ruining…

My best friend is from the South and one time I was at his house and he offered me iced tea. I unknowingly accepted and basically spit it out after the first sip. He said, "You think that's sweet? You should try my grandma's. I add HALF the sugar she does."

My dad ordered a whole pitcher of beer to himself once while we were in a busy sports bar, ended up not finishing it and gave basically half a pitcher to the luckiest college kids ever.

Oh my God, are we dating the same person? IS THIS HOW WE CATCH OUR CHEATER!? Is it too late to enter the Pissing Contest!?

I would just make her a decaf Americano and fake it.

Unless you work at an Italian place that sells gelato to small town Montanans. "I'll take the...Straa...ka.. Straaasee... Aw, hell! That one. With the chocolate chips!"