Blue Spider-Crab!!!! :(:(:(:(

YOU TAKE THAT BACK. RIGHT NOW.

Truth!

I can imagine a few different scenarios that maybe helped her decide alcohol would be a bad choice. Like, maybe he would end up too drunk and act a fool and get really angry when cut off? Maybe his wife was behind it too and would've had to deal with her drunken asshole husband? I probably would've just given him the…

Hahaha, oh god no. Shoot me before I ever work at Blue Spider-Crab. It's some upscale Mom and Pop place. I'm the only one working there that isn't related to the other staff. I'll copy and paste the review, how about that?

The place I work at now has a great one. Basically what happened was, they were doing this special New Year's Eve dinner where you had to buy tickets for ahead of time. And this guy bought a couple for his brother and his brother's wife, but on one condition: DO NOT SERVE HIM ALCOHOL. He was an alcoholic, I guess. So…

I live in Missoula and there are only 2 strip clubs but a lot of female business owners.

This is the same news outlet that also said Missoula, MT was also the rape capital of America. I guess you can't have it all.

That reminds me of the many times I've asked customers how they want their eggs with their breakfast to which they reply, "Cooked?"

Reminds me of the Italian restaurant I work at. We have a big case full of homemade gelato at the front of the restaurant and a lot of people call it ice cream and I'm just like, whatever, it basically is. But one day a guy came up and said, "Is that pudding!?" Um....

This doesn't really have anything to do with your stories but the last one kind of reminded me of when I had to console a woman over the phone because right as I answered to take her delivery order, she found out on the news that Farrah Fawcett had died. She was apparently a big fan.

First time I encountered one of these, I offered to buy my friend lunch and the cashier working forgot to put in the code for the plate and so it looked like a $17 salad and I was like, "Shit, nevermind, girl, lunch is on you today!" The cashier very promptly fixed the scale.

My dad does that too. He calls "Guns'N'Roses" "Guns'N'Butter", says "snow flurries" instead of "no worries" and calls "asparagus" "asparagami." I actually use "snow flurries" sometimes which really confuses people and they usually respond. "No, I don't think it's gonna snow today..."

Now, that's how it's done. So amazing.

I wish I was witty enough to respond to people that quickly instead of freezing and mumbling, "Um...what? I... No thanks..."

"Oh, pardon, Madam, but would you ever so kindly allow me to masturbate in the confines of your restroom?"

I will never EVER miss working at Barnes and Noble. There is nothing like working with a customer base that takes full advantage of free seating for hours and the bitchy soccer moms who insist on making the most obnoxious coffee orders. We were no longer allowed to take out the garbage alone after one of the employees…

Work the bar close shift at Pita Pit and then come talk to me about sexual harrassment. I learned VERY early on not to give out my real name. I once had a customer say, "I want to fuck you." while my male coworkers cracked up in the back. Gee, thanks for having my back, guys. There was a mostly harmless homeless man…