Probably took less than 12 parsecs, too.

I remember when you guys used to give real, plausible suggestions, seems like now this topic has devolved into some weird jalopnik contest to see which writer can pat themselves on the back for giving the most obscure response. 

why haven’t you reported him to the police?

Forget the gaudy Ferraris, the if you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all Porsches and the Mercedes taxi covered in stickers. There’s clearly a very nice Mazda Cosmo there that got not so much as a mention.

So, you might say he went on a “Kessel run”?

He’s going to have to get rid of the carpet, drapes, and upholstered furniture. Those KFC farts aren’t going anywhere. I don’t even want to know how many Coke can rings are on the Resolute Desk by now.

We may need it.

I really hope you forgot a /s

It’s okay for Hyundai owners to use the N-Line word, but if you’re not a Hyundai owner, it’s socially inappropriate.

Yeah. If somebody’s dog got into my house and viciously killed my cat, what you have there is a dead dog, too. 

I saw Lovitz and Dana Carvey live a few years back. At the time I identified them as a couple of cliché SNL has-beens, and expected a mediocre show with too many SNL skit references.

Wow. What a bitch. And why the hell did they feel bad for Cynthia? Her dog was a fucking murderer.

/read entirely as Jon Lovitz

“Patriot Park, a military theme park...”

Fantastic engineering by these things, especially considering the sheer size!

Awwww, thanks for reading! 

It’s an article about an unnecessary (but awesome) truck. Frankly, there are so many outlets glossing over the impracticalities of such a thing and blowing sunshine all over Ram that I assume they’re hoping to secure years of free bar tabs at future press launches.

Blind hate? It’s an incredible truck. It’s awesome, in fact. I absolutely loved driving it off-road. It’s VERY good at what it was designed to do, and it’s a terrible street car as a result. I promise, I didn’t hate this truck. I hated driving it on the road. 

The only way to be an enthusiast is to like sloppy driving trucks that get 10 MPG?