Family money can be weirdly tied up for people who didn’t earn it depending on how it’s set up. Even money that is legally the property of a former minor after they turn 18 can still take ages to get access to depending on whether or not the former custodians are willing to recognize that they’ve lost their legal…

SHIT I didn’t realize it was estimated that high! Between the D-list actress and the fact that they didn’t even bother to bribe her way in through ‘donations’ to USC, I assumed they were running in maybe the $10 million range.

How much of that fortune do you think is still going to be there after they have to pay for Lori’s legal defense fees? Not to mention, if her parents were so controlling that they bribed her way into a college she didn’t want to attend, do you  really think her parents are going to allow her full financial…

lol looks like she might actually need that degree after all. betting USC drops her as well.

God why is real life so FUCKING WEIRD. and lol thrilled about that happy meme/reality coincidence.

I assume there were enough people on this FBI investigation that it’s very likely both. 

There’s some sort of inherent insult in naming it after a Oxford/Cambridge tradition (Blues) as well but I haven’t quite worked it out yet.

Stars Vladimir Putin and Robert Kraft

That is super disappointing.

If you googled “foreskin ring St. Catherine” then you are a braver soul than I.

an island filled with coconuts that are all, somehow, bald.

There’s a foreskin ring painting of St. Catherine of Siena. So it’s not like there’s no precedent.

Also it was entirely remiss of me to not mention that they intentionally made everyone in my children’s bible young and hot unless the character was supposed to be 70+. Samson and David were both fucking ripped, mid-to-late twenties men.

their baby would be a tasteful, genderless succulent who manages to commit several human rights violations while hawking tech made entirely out of essential oils.

I can only imagine how many teens are going to get this as a confirmation gift.

Oh, I’d never buy it. But I will stop by the nearest Christian bookstore and laugh my way through every page of it for free.

Will there be tasteful Insta-model nudes of Eve and Adam in the garden? Will there just be a dramatic photo of a blood-covered pebble for David and Goliath?

The only Goop/Bezos mashup I’m interested in is a March Madness-style bracket pitting their most ridiculous tabloid stories against one another. Because while there’s always Jeff’s dick, Gwyneth was in Hollywood for years.

I literally came here to write the same comment!!! (I was also raised Catholic, even.) It’s the only valid Bible.

Yeah, my friend and I both read it and this was my reaction to the first half of the book. Let me know what you think of it when you finish--my friend didn’t finish it, and I felt like the book gave me whiplash, given how much I liked what Miller was doing with it, only to hate it intensely in the back half.