One day I hope to be as funny as you!

I can’t believe the Patriots went to all this trouble to beat the Dolphins.

“3 minutes and 30 seconds” Rick Pitino is in awe at that stamina.

Chris Jones’s right arm/us Chiefs fans in general/2001 Oakland Raiders fans/your blood pressure/The World:

The idea that shit-talking a candidate during a primary harms them in the general was probably never very true, and most assuredly isn’t true at all now. The overwhelming majority of people in this country know who they will vote for next November based solely on the letter by their name. Modern American elections are…

“Your thumb is choosing this alternative lifestyle...”

Thumb injuries are a lifestyle choice, people aren’t born with them.

Maybe his conversion therapy buddies can pray him back onto the field sooner.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it sounds like your boy is going to need some good old-fashioned therapy if he wants to make any more conversions this year. Pray for him.

Maybe if you guys try hard enough you could pray the injury away.

I have it on good authority that that “rat” was actually a squirrel, and that squirrel was named Tippy Toe. 

I mean that’s pretty much pitch perfect right?

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

“Every story deserves a happy ending.”

+1 moogly

That’s great, Drew. But who are the Chefs?

Ned Yost as Walmart greeter is really on-point.

It’s a time of upheaval and regime change, of GlassYost and Perezstrikeout.

I truly hope that the Royals can now break through the unofficially acknowledged barrier to advancement that has been limiting them with their old owner. Hopefully some old columnist will come up with a term to describe it.

HE HATE TEAMS