How dare you!
I sleep on an Ikea bed.
I am typing this on a desk from Ikea.

If I knew how to ban someone from kinja, I would.

Imma file a supporting brief on this. Our house is a small IKEA outlet, though we may be covered under the concurring opinion that points out that lesbian households are required to have a percentage of IKEA furnishings of greater than or equal to 10% so that one partner can demonstrate her skill with an allen wrench. 

I’ve never, ever gotten why “former bartender” is such an insult. Isn’t that... what they want? Moving up via bootstraps and hard work?

Unclear, and I desperately hope not, but with the shuttering of Splinter a little while ago and the incredibly stupid “stick to sports” mandate And subsequent firings that led to the *entire* Deadspin staff quitting en masse, it seems like it’s a possibility.

STICK TO BARFING IN BAGS!!!!!!1!2!!!!!!2!!!1!!

Ivanka, no one needs to "invent" anything about your dad. Even he admits to the crimes he committed so....

Esther, it feels like everything is on borrowed time at this point, so I just wanted to say thanks for all your work here. Jezebel has been “my” corner of the internet for 8 years, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that there were some days when looking forward to reading Jez was the one thing I could bring myself…

Furthermore:

I keep being puzzled by Trump’s insistence that people should read the transcript that pretty clearly confirms majority of the accusations. Also it is not a transcript, as was made clear by every reliable media institution that published the summary.

I'm disappointed with lack of sports content. 🙁

It’s really the opposite.  It’s amazing his handlers would allow him out in public like this knowing how much he’s hated outside his little bubble.

I honestly feel like something like this will be what brings him down. Not legal issues, or ethical violations....it will be something like a crowd booing and wounding his fragile little ego that will cause him to quit and let the world know, arms crossed and lip sticking out, that he didn’t want to be president…

Fuck, I miss Gawker. Honestly one of my favorite posts.

Hot take:

Caity Weaver made a convincing case that the best all you can eat experience was spending 14 hours eating mozarella sticks at TGI Fridays:

Smoking a bowl is still fine, and even good! But bringing a bowl in public is the equivalent of bringing a gigantic handle of liquor to a place and screaming loudly while you drink it, compared to a nice conspicuous flask (and vape).

I agree that regular old flower a glass pipe is the best delivery method in most situations. The vape pen is clutch though if you need to hide the smell or if you want to be able to smoke in semi-public. You can puff on a vape pen in the men’s room at a restaurant, which is not an option with your sock roach.

Doesn’t anyone just smoke a bowl anymore? I mean, pack one up, hit it and pass it around? Does EVERYTHING have to be the Latest Greatest Technical Gee Gaw? I mean it’s WEED, a substance that makes anything harder than flipping the LP over on a turn table damn near impossible.

What is going on with the wife situation here? Are the two wives getting together to collaborate on cracker supplies?  Are they road-tripping together?  Will the video be available as a subscription?