Billionaire whaling on a minimum wage worker? Are you kidding, that’s what brought him to the attention of the transition team!

It’s not infuriating if we don’t see it or if we see it and don’t give a shit because there are hundreds of other tennis players.

And what with the bees dying off they’ve nothing to hold in their mouths to release upon barking.

I can’t believe this BP secretary won’t get out of her 1988 Cressida and answer my shouty questions about why she wants the whole of Gulf of Mexico to be a dead zone.

Next up: yelling at ventriloquist dummies for the rude things they say and yelling at coughing for causing the flu.

“Big deal, I hit 87 trillion in number of years in hiding in a Thetan-infested subterranean volcanic shaft.” — Xenu

I wouldn’t shoot a policeman, steal his helmet, take a dump in the helmet, send the helmet to the policeman’s grieving widow, and then steal the helmet again.

For God’s sake Ween had a song about it.

Oscar Wilde: “The only worse than being talked about is not being talked about”

Theoretically only Pittsburgh’s field goal kicker should have been celebrating, preferably by large men hoisting him while he was sitting in a chair, Jewish-wedding style.

Surely they could see the declining metrics in all aspects of his game: his bat flips were spending 31% less time in the air and on average an opposing player could floor him with 40% fewer punches as compared to just three years ago.

We could easily accommodate both the old and the new and even the middle-aged elites if somebody would just build some affordable housing

By competitive I assume you mean mediocre, which for them is excellent, e.g. just ending two games behind the Bobcats for the 8th playoff seed and sweep by the Cavaliers. See also: what constitutes ultraconservative, conservative, and moderate since the Republican Revolution of 1994.

Jeez, tape it easy.

Joke’s on him, in true Arthur Blank business model fashion nobody staffs the luxury boxes and he has to wander around for 30 minutes trying to find somebody to order nachos from.

But what happens when the Indian Peter Scolari and Tom Hanks infiltrate the section in order to escape their creditors?

I assume that he got the idea for abstaining from all of the coffee and fast food stains on his untucked shirt as he perused the racing form instead of doing his job.

No idea why Connecticut went with a coach whose last name is a homonym of ‘Edsel.’

That’s not a content officer, that’s a content male stripper.

Who says political satire is dead, this was just a Hinckley-like assassination attempt.