In other words, “If only being minimally competent at coaching wasn’t a prerequisite for being a successful coach!”

But it’s my favorite bread slicer, the headline of the article told me so. Wait a minute! What if it isn’t my favorite bread slicer and a presumptuous headline has made me overly credulous? (independent thought alarm sounds) OH SHIT

The real question facing Univision Deportes writers is: what’s the conversion rate between Internet Recognition Fun Bucks and Diversión del Reconocimiento del Internet Pesos?

Thank God we have oral histories, or else the tall tales of our distant forefathers would be scattered like dandelion seeds driven by the wind, never to take root.. 2008?!

The headline doubles as vintage Red Hot Chili Peppers clothing instructions.

He was always my second favorite Baldwin brother after— no, not Alec— Daniel.

What’s more damning is that Tyrod met with Detectives Polk and Mahon for a self-injury consultation

I periodically need to be reminded that at one point New York had both baseball and football teams named the Giants.

Ahoy-hoy, Topeka Chuckle Hut!

I got the Chris Berman Memorial Quasi-Retirement Talking Doll, but every time I pull the string it just says BEHHHHHHHHHHHH

61? When I finally sell my old clunker I need to find out whoever’s been rolling back back back his odometer.

As my grandpappy once said, the bread is stale and the circuses are abusing the animals

He’s now spent the $29,000 in the paper bag and is breathing deeply into the empty bag to prevent hyperventilating.

Thank God y’all are taking on the burden of adjudicating some of these high-level disputes, it saves the International Criminal Court at The Hague some docket space.

I used to have job skills like this, it involved emptying soda cans that still had fluid in them and then stepping on/flattening them to reduce wasted volume when recycling.

Is she the Messiah or something? I’ve been out over the winter holidays and there are lots of spurious memos in the in-box, so bottom-line in for me.

A new papal encyclical posits that New Jersey is an acceptable substitute, penance-wise, for purgatory.

His new employer, recipient of four 2016 shutouts, also believes in not setting foot in opposing stadiums.

And then drop two or three turds like the aforementioned Mr. Allen in the NBA Draft punchbowl.

At some point we should, without caterwauling or fruitlessly micro-managing, just let Duke be Duke, i.e. lose as an over-hyped #2 seed to #15 Syrup Country League Champion Western Vermont State in the 1st round of the NCAA Tournament.