There should be a Libertarian Free State populated entirely by goofy-ass ex-Duke basketball crackers called Cherokee Nation.

They should call the NBA’s Eastern Conference “America’s Conference” because there’s only one rich team and its middle-class is depressing, mediocre, and disappearing.

Deadspin covering sick and insane in-game shots rather than sick and insane warm-up shots?! (rubs eyes, looks at bottle of rotgut marked “XXX,” throws it away)

I love their transition from historically shitty to ordinarily shitty, it should be enough to get Luke Walton Coach of the Decade honors

Only 4 games out of the 8 spot! Or, if you’re more pessimistic, one game away from being rock-bottom shittiest-ass team in the West

To be fair, there was just no simple way to say “inveterate uncritical re-publishers,” or “spreaders of poisonous detritus” in a url as succinctly as “Jezebel.”

I just want the ad copy generator to use a guest-based algorithm so that Greenberg is forced to read ads for prune juice, Bill Boy’s Gun Shack, and funerary insurance in the middle of the Bowden interview.

Pro-tip for producer-censors and audio-bleepers: get the dump button ready anytime he begins a sentence with “There was a time...”

You don’t want to do Pulitzer-level reporting this early in the year, nobody’ll remember it.

Everybody in the UK is required to play soccer and is stuck in regimented divisions; failure to comply results in a mandated visit to Room 101*. Deadspin will cover any developments that happen in the 6th to 498th divisions.

Boy this really takes the sting out of the upcoming four-to-eight year hegemonic GOP nightmare.

It doesn’t help that Bostonians threw rocks at the team bus that first transported the superteam of Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen.

It was also a little creepy when fans along the visitor’s tunnel tried to hand him fake scraggly blonde mustaches and green short-shorts to wear

I’m just waiting for time period between the mild stroke and the court order wresting control of the Cowboys away from him where Jerry Jones acquires Manziel and benches Prescott.

I’ve turned all the external elements off Deadspin using Adblocker and sometimes due to staff laziness there’s just these floating headlines, unencumbered by writing of any sort.

To: Kansas/K-State crew

Hopefully Shaq will carve out a little space for a rebuttal during the next Clowning on Photoshops Of Each Other While Pointlessly Killing Time Before the Start of an NBA Game program

It’s the alt-right sports version of the girl who sued UT Law School for affirmative action all the way to the Supreme Court even though she was way too dumb to gain entrance in any alternate universe.

The wins of a Jerry Reuss? The career ERA of a Dock Ellis? The strikeout total of a Mickey Lolich? The critical thinking of a Ted Nugent? What’s not to like?

That reminds me of a great factoid about one of my favorite running backs, Jerome Bettisfromdetroit