So this isn’t about the recall of Frozen Italian Skillets for Two?

Don’t worry kid, there’s big NBA money still waiting for you.. ERIK MEEK-LEVEL money.

“Am I under arrest?”

He keeps Jack chained up in the basement for a reason, and that reason is the Skinner boxes he used to raise Jim and John, but secondarily for forced games of catch.

Why even attempt to celebrate Christmas now (puts head in oven, turns on gas, tapes ‘Deadspin Made Me Do It’ note to chest)

He was surprised when a bunch of glowing stacks of bills appeared around the victims after the shooting.

If he did get parole one of the conditions would be that he take all future drinks in a sippy cup.

I saw a defender playing against the Patriots touch his helmet to signal his teammates, the refs interpreted that as a threat to touch Brady’s helmet at some future point and preemptively banned him from the league for 99 years.

(reads explanation) (eyes glaze over)

“This video is eight minutes long, and I watched the whole damn thing”

When you’re likely to get 25-26 of them for the entire year, EVERY win is a “big win.”

How many Lumbertonians are there on the site? Because my Grandmother was one of 11 kids, you probably ran across one or more of my second cousins, in which case I apologize. ‘Tain’t a corner of Southeast Texas they haven’t occupied, legally or otherwise, from Woodville to Kountze to Winnie.

Unfortunately, I know where he’s from (my grandmother went to the same high school as him in East Texas, albeit 60 years earlier): he’s definitely a before picture of squirrel hunters.

I was really hoping that details would be held back so we could re-litigate that which has already been taken litigated every six months from now until when the earth becomes uninhabitable, it’s like telling George (ED: close! it was the other one!) the story about the rabbits before putting him out of his misery.

He’s not going down to Philly to make starts, he’s specifically there to hunt any rogue squirrels that might invade the field come spring.

If Vinnie Johnson was The Microwave, then Reggie Jackson is The E-Z Bake Oven With A Broken Light Bulb

Look at this chart showing the grotesque rise of economic inequality and the growth of random NFL touchdown celebration fines, it’s unmistakable. Maybe labor activists should stop pushing for a living wage and instead insure that Odell Beckham Jr. isn’t fined the median income equivalent of 25 bucks.

Excuse the Interference, but I’m Mykelti Wilpon.

There could be an Andrew Luck factor: his sub-optimal play in the first half (I think he had 5 points midway through the second quarter) necessitated a furious comeback which padded his stats. His shot percentage was about the same as the rest of the team’s and his center, playing against a team with no real big man…

So to translate (1) it was a ludicrous display (2) they were walking it in.