Well, if he can hit either Luhnow or that war profiteer owner we have as they sit in the stands all the way from the practice mound, then it’s money well spent.

I can’t wait for the first family of Sacramento’s next career step as the lounge singing duo Rheeunited and It Feels So Good

I am intrigued by your strong opera opinions. Just let me get these glasses.

I like to mix horror with my one day of playing Xmas songs (Xmas eve), so it’s Mitch Miller’s shout-sing-a-long.

They told me, as a groomsman, not to drop acid before my friend’s wedding, but fuck it, they were divorced in 18 months anyway, which I foresaw.

Or, place a metaphorical dome over them and outnumber them at the next election.

So did they recycle Forest Whitaker’s outfit from Battlefield Earth to save money? What a bunch of tightwads!

We can’t even rein in our own war criminals, what on Earth are we going to do with Russia.

“If this is anybody but Steve Allen, you’re stealing my bit!”

Not found in highlight package or the accompanying article: defense (the Nets scored 75 points on the Rockets in the 2nd half)

Well, no more Randy Quaid jokes in 2017 lest one be torn asunder.

Does he eat garbage in the movie? Wait, don’t tell me, let me have kids and take one of them to see it when they’re 4 years old first.

Hopefully he gets amped up for his confirmation hearing by slamming 6 or 7 banned grey market Mexican energy drinks infused with donkey sperm and undergoes an Emilio Lizardo-like transformation.

How coincidental, Triple H will be our bond rating after the Trump Presidency.

No wonder Hogan ran free, what with CB Schultz and SS Klink on the right side of secondary.

Well, there goes Nuke LaLoosh’s career.

Wasn’t this one of the departments he was going to abolish as a highly hypothetical future President, but stumbled all over the answer?

Luke Walton: (curses out official) (gets ejected) (turns to assistant coach) It’s all up to you now, Shaw

That’s one happy volleyball player

My favorite house-Flipping show is “The Devil Made Me Buy This House,” where each property comes equipped with a clone of Flip Wilson, in drag, sassing them.