(jazzy James Bond theme)

We’ll always have the commercial actor playing the waiter at Applebee’s ragging on him for not shutting the fuck up even while choking down a mouthful of Southern Comfort-glazes baby-back ribs of indeterminate origin.

In any other season without the Browns’ and 49ers’ blowful performances, you’d think the Jets are trying to tank, girl.

I also blame the Jets’ quarterback position for there being a 20-yard space between the Colts’ TE and any defender on his first two touchdowns, the overall cretinousness (not a word) of the fans at the half-full stadium, and Chris Berman’s hyperventilating after emitting a too-long BEHHHHHHHHH when assessing the Jets’…

Maybe it isn’t a lesser-included charge in Louisiana, and they worry that a grand jury might find an out against returning a murder indictment that doesn’t exist for a manslaughter indictment.

Gasser also has a terrific head of hair, which could either get him right to the top of the Trump political prisoner pardon list or threaten Trump, leading to Gasser’s being disappeared in an Uzbek CIA black site.

Can’t speak for Louisiana, the only state still operating under Continental Law, but in Texas a murder committed under “sudden passion arising from an adequate cause” is treated the same as manslaughter (second degree felony), but the defense has to bring that up as opposed to the prosecutors capitulating from the…

He’d better be prepared to throw lots of complete games, because they just lost Melancon and don’t appear to be in on the Chapman sweepstakes. Maybe they can invite Papelbon back on the condition that he passes a physical and gets a red-assectomy.

“Will My Disbelief At Klay Thompson’s Performance for My Favorite Team Warrant Another Post? It Just Did!”

He’s gone away to a remote jungle dojo to be schooled by Chris Paul in the art of the Nearly Invisible Cock-Punch

Still waiting for the completion of the Klay Thompson trilogy, hopefully tantalizingly called “You Won’t Believe What Klay Thompson Did to Warrant a Third Consecutive Post (Hint: It Involved Scoring Points)”

We should totally do something about this (wind whistles) (coyote howls) (waits 20 minutes) (another local news story is republished) we should totally do something about this

Hey everybody, LOOK BUSY, Mr. Univision’s coming!

No Rosanna Arquette in twin leg braces and Elias “Not Chris Meloni” Koteas?

I mean it was a totally serious suggestion that had a very, very high probability of occurring.

It’s a real catch-21, the second-best catch there ever was.

I’ll watch it if she shows up in a military uniform and announces that with the support of the armed Forces they will not be ceding power to the incoming Adminstration: we get more Obamas, the right wing loonies get their fondest conspiracy theories validated.

“A minuscule speed-bump in our headlong acceleration towards planetary oblivion” is more accurate and poetic, but doesn’t generate those Internet Linky-Time Fun Bucks

I thought the Christians, Jews, and Muslims co-owned Jerusalem, how did Amar’e get a slice of that sweet real estate.

I think that the camp casting of the original (Divine/Jerry Stiller vs. Sonny Bono/Debbie Harry in the parent battle, the legendary Ruth Brown as Maybelle) can’t be topped. One almost forgets that Divine played a second part in the movie.