Hopefully they’ll FIELD a good team this year and not let this opportunity GET AWAY which would lead their fans to become GENERALLY DISINTERESTED

Goodell so robotically applies punishment without regard to equity or decency that it’s led many to think that he has Drohn’s Disease.

If Utah had won, they planned on celebrating by passing around a large Starbucks coffee and letting each player have one tiny sip, Prophet be praised.

I HERD SUM GOSIP TO (walks into traffic with propeller hat and short-pants on)

“Eric Dickerson to resume attending LA Rams games” That really sounds like a creative punishment dreamed up by a senile judge who’s about to get impeached.

I think they used the fact that Xenu went to high school with Mike Wallace as a pressure point

I miss the days of mutually assured destruction

I’d rather outnumber/quarantine than understand/attempt to reason with them at this point, they’re fucking hopeless.

I’m just thinking of Bart Simpson, campaigning for Class President by pandering to idiots, shouting MORE Asbestos! MORE Asbestos! during a debate

A reminder for all of the recently minted Cuban politics experts in the comments: save some commentary for your own bullshit country.

Any mention of how he got married to the widow next door?

Well I’m mad at Cuban exiles with providing a nihilistic lunatic with his margin of victory in Florida.

I’ve never seen anybody so effective from the 2.5-point stance

Five or six different plays is an astounding example of variety for a guy who apparently sleeps in his clothes and has the same hairdo/mustache he would have had in whatever rural high school (Homer City, PA?!) spawned him in the mid-90s

This really takes the sting out of an all-alt-right federal government and pending climate-based panics.

To celebrate the economic policies of the incoming Administration, I was thinking of starting a kind of Uber/car delivery service that will bring discounted pencils and apples directly to your doorstep. Drivers to be paid in apple cores and pencil nubs.

How about pay attention to neither and MORE LIGHTLY-WATCHED BRAVO REALITY SHOW EXEGESES and Q-LEVEL CELEBRITY FOIBLES!

I think I saw back-up point guard Semaj Christon sitting in a special plush chair at the end of the bench, in a smoking jacket and slippers, puffing away whilst reading the Wall Street Journal.

Every neutered imbroglio fueled by anxious masculinity between a DB and a WR reminds me of this Mr. Show sketch (with a young Flo as a waitress at the start)

Let’s be fair, most Deadspin writers don’t like sports or research, but they DO like loud things that are trending in the ol’ trend-box.